Sharknado (2013)
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R31eFlPTara Reid. Killer Tornadoes. Man eating sharks. Sooner or later, someone was going to combine them to form the sweet piece of junk food cinema known as “Sharknado.” The Asylum almost seems proud of the title, flaunting it in film festivals and even presenting the title in big bold silver letters in the opening credits. With a title like that, you don’t even need to hear what it’s about. You just need to know that Ian Zeiring kicks ass. Who could resist this opportunity?

Plus, once you gander at the gorgeous Cassie Scerbo brawling with sharks in bars, you’ll never want to see another shark film again. Seriously, I could have sat through eighty minutes of Scerbo running around and blasting sharks to shit with her twelve gauge (get to work on “Nova: Shark Hunter,” Mr. Ferrante). “Sharknado” is set in California where a massive tornado has picked up a school of sharks and dropped it smack dab in the middle of the country. Ex-surfer Fin and his group of bar chums decide to close up shop, and when it becomes apparent sharks are flying from the sky and landing on people, he and his friends decide to rescue his ex-wife and daughter and take them to safety.

The duration of “Sharknado” features hero Ian Zeiring helping people along the way, while sharks try to chomp on him and his family at all corners. Meanwhile, Reid is reduced to being an obstacle and whiner for the most part, badgering all of the characters and pouting at Fin. Eventually when the survivors get exhausted with raining sharks, they team up and try to remedy the situation. It all culminates in to the excellent line: “Your son wants to get in to a helicopter and drop bombs in to a tornado!” Plus you have to love Nova’s back story. Sharks killed her grandpa! She wants revenge!

The whole familial griping and Fin’s problem with his daughter are all secondary to the action and absurd plot, so when writer Thunder Levin tries to drudge up some melodrama, it falls shockingly flat. “Sharknado” more than makes up for it by delivering on shark action including John Heard fighting sharks with a bar stool, Nova stabbing a shark to death while it hangs on a helicopter, Fin shooting flying sharks with a gun, and a hammer head shark landing on a guy’s head. “Sharknado” is a ridiculous nature run amok film, and one that proves The Asylum is getting more creative with every passing movie. I look forward to “Squidnami” and “Piranhavolcano.”

In Stores September 3rd, and premiering on the Syfy Channel July 11th. Check Local Listings.

  • http://www.stopthepota.com Rick “The Hat” Bman

    Now I really want to see Piranhavolcano.

    • Meshakhad

      YES