Cemetery High (1989)

cem-highBasically, Gorman Bechard’s “Cemetery High” is a comedy spoof of every rape revenge movie you’ve ever seen. Except when it tries to be funny, it fails painfully. When it tries for exploitation revenge, it manages to be a pretty absurd and interesting bit of revenge horror. I wonder why someone thought mocking this material would make for an entertaining movie. Granted, the tale of women striking down rapists isn’t exactly a dramatic bit of cinematic fare, especially in the late eighties, but mocking the material so incessantly feels so shoe horned, the comedy is awkward rather than unfunny.

For some reason the director reminds the audience there’s going to be violence and or nudity by alerting them with a boob honk or violence ring. The problem is there isn’t that much violence to be had anyway. When the women begin murdering their rapists, most of the murders are done off scene or cut away, so the violence bell ring is pointless. Thus the gag fails. The nudity is incredibly sparse, so the boob honk is also a gag that falls incredibly flat. The movie itself is a fairly simple and straight forward revenge film with the story of three hot women who were separately raped by an absurd group of perverts, all of whom approached them in laughably stupid ways.

In one instance one of the character is showering in the nude the gang sneaks in to her shower fully clothed to taunt her before raping her. The trio of victims team up to begin striking down perverts of all kind, and the film feels it necessary to turn this in to slapstick comedy. Of course comedy is a loose term. When a mortician and an officer are looking back at the origin of the women, they make their “flashback” faces, a joke that will likely cause viewers to groan and shut the movie down immediately, and the characters feel the need to state outright every single plot point to the audience in a meta running gag that is never funny.

Hell, even when the narrator gives us a glimpse at the women and is shot dead, it fails to be even remotely worth a chuckle or a giggle. There’s really nothing here to chew on in terms of comedy and or action cinema. It’s an unfocused and unusual lampooning with comedy content that feels mysteriously tacked on. A really bad and unwatchable lampooning of rape revenge films, “Cemetery High” is absurd all on its own and makes sure to drive it down our throats with terrible comedy that fails to offer laughs of any kind at all turns.