Zarkorr! The Invader (1996)

It’s pretty clear directors Michael Deak & Aaron Osborne either created a giant Kaiju movie with a sense of humor, or a Kaiju movie that is actually a spoof of Godzilla. There can be no other reason to explain the inadvertent comedy and utterly atrocious performances in “Zarkorr! The Invader.” It’s a film so bad but so utterly entertaining that you’ll likely laugh along with its idiocy as it takes you on the roller coaster ride.

A miniature busty woman in mall clothes who seems to have jumped out of 1988 appears to Tommy the postman, an inept and average postal worker who is told by her that Zarkorr has invaded. I’m assuming if a gigantic monster went on a rampage there would be some indicator to him, but he’s wholly unaware. For reasons never explained, Zarkorr erupts from his dormant mountain one night and rampages through California for reasons never quite clarified to the audience. Tommy is told that he is chosen to stop Zarkorr and is the savior of man because he’s average. He’s not special or abysmal, so he’s just right. Why that makes any sense, I’ll never know. I guess a supreme race would want a special person to save the world, but instead they choose Tommy, a postman so erratic and on the verge of a psychotic breakdown, it’s almost impossible to believe he’s a hero.

Meanwhile (again for reasons never explained), the Proctor tells Tommy that she can not inform him on why Zarkorr is alive, where he came from, and how to kill it. She then hints that his defeat lies within the monster, and wishes him good luck on his journey. Naturally, Tommy rides off the rails looking for a way to stop Zarkorr after being informed of one caveat. Zarkorr is headed for Tommy, and won’t stop until it’s killed him. Again you may ask: Why Tommy? Who the hell knows? And what happens when Zarkorr kills Tommy? Does he keep walking around? Does he look for a job? Does he go back in to hibernation? The monster of course is rampaging through the city wrecking monuments and plastic cities nonsensically as we veer in to a sub-plot with Tommy storming in to a news center and taking a dinosaur specialist hostage.

Why not just go on television and explain to everyone that he’s important? Who knows? Why not go somewhere abandoned to prevent casualties? Who knows? My creative mind wants to think that writer Benjamin Carr didn’t really have a half baked script with no plot in mind. No, he wanted us to be as clueless as Tommy to feel his panic and pain. Or maybe the writing is just awful. “Zarkorr!” is very little a monster movie and more a gallery of over the top performances from folks who can never seem to decide if they’re playing for comedy or drama.

From Tommy’s monologue in the TV station’s bathroom, the two police officers negotiating with Tommy, to the looney hacker who helps figure out the beasts origins (however minimal), “Zarkorr!” accomplishes turning the performances in to bigger monstrosities than the actual beast. While the monster is rigid and goofy, he’s a classic giant kaiju whose characteristics are based around smashing and stomping. “Zarkorr!” is another fine mess from Full Moon. Another of the chuckle ridden disasterpieces from Full Moon, “Zarkorr!” is a brutally horrendous giant kaiju flick that can never be sure if it’s aiming for satire or stern science fiction. And with the horrific performances, and variety of plot holes and lapes in logic, this is yet another of the classic “so bad it’s good” gems.