Debbie Does Dallas (1978)

Let me tell you, its tough reviewing one of the most famous porn movies ever made. Hell, its tough reviewing porn, period. How do you review a porno movie? I can’t really speak on the acting, because hell, it’s a porn movie, there aren’t Oscar winning performances. And the production quality is abysmal. So, how do I go about this, I ask myself. But you’re probably asking why I’m reviewing a porno movie. Well, it’s just because this over-opinionated asshole wanted to throw his three cents in on this classic film. You’ve all heard about it. You know about it, so I thought I’d just give you the lowdown. The reason “Debbie Does Dallas” is such a bonafide classic is simply because it has everything men and women like in a porno. The sex scenes are staged fantasies, the cast is comprised of cheerleaders, and our main character is hot. “Debbie Does Dallas” has a huge history in the film medium. For proof on that, check out “Debbie Does Dallas Uncovered,” and you’ll see what I mean. The reason why “Debbie Does Dallas” was big was because of Bambi Woods. People attribute the success of this film to many things, but I pin it on Bambi Woods. Woods isn’t (or wasn’t, if she’s actually dead) a fox in the strictest sense.

But Woods brought an energy and pure sexual wholesomeness to the movie that made her alluring. She was like that hot girl next door you just wanted to catch nearly nude at some point, and she’s attractive. She’s never too thin, and is shapely enough to warrant the lead billing, even if she’s outweighed by the supporting cast who pulls off some entertaining sequences of their own. Her presence and appeal make up for her utterly atrocious acting here; and I’m still wondering why she always seems to have a psychotic tick when delivering her dialogue. Woods really helped fuel the film along, a film that’s filled with women that are either really gorgeous, or inspire a cringe, with sex scenes that never go full length. But it’s also interesting to note this is during the days when porn featured natural unshaven women with evident tan lines. Which I much prefer over the very artificial beefed up women we see today. The sex is hardcore by the definition, and there’s every angle here, and every scenario, and Debbie gets the final sex scene in her Dallas outfit, but by comparison the sex scenes are short than most modern pornography.

The plot goes as follows, a group of cheerleaders for a high school discover their head cheerleader Debbie is going to become a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowgirls. Excited for her, Debbie’s cheerleader friends are upset to learn that she simply has no money to go and try out, nor will her father give her the necessary funds to travel and give it a shot, but they stage a plan. They’re going to sell themselves out to the desires of the football team for a profit, and also to the faculty. And also decide to tag along. Same old story, eh? Now those are devoted friends, I’ll tell you. “Debbie Does Dallas” is famous for a reason, because it allows us to live through these fantasies, and retains some of its impact in this day and age, even if it’s aged pretty poorly. Not to mention it’s an entertaining film because of its utterly odd sequences.

In one scene an older teacher spanks his sexy student in his office, and two teachers persuade one of Bambi’s friends to engage in a threesome almost against her will. But the most humorous sequence involves Debbie in her outfit being chased around the sports store by her manager who chases her in a football uniform with his wang hanging out. “Debbie Does Dallas” has a camp value about it that makes it worth re-watching, and not just because it’s porn. The acting is so stupid, but also entertaining, and Woods delivery of her dialogue is so clunky that you can’t help but laugh when she’s on-screen. But of course, the finisher is worth the watch if only to see Bambi Woods deliver the final blow in her Dallas Cowgirls outfit to her perverted store manager. “Debbie Does Dallas” has a certain value about it that’s helped it surpass the remakes, spin-offs, and sequels for a long time, and it’s worth the watch if only for the novelty, and pure camp. And there’s the sex, too. Can’t forget about the sex.