The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

Dukes-of-HazzardWhat can you do to royally piss me off? Cast three of the stupidest most untalented people in Hollywood in a remake. Yes, that’s right earning of a smack across the face. Take a Jack ass who is a Jack ass, a one-hit wonder, and a singer whose talents are in her sweater, and you have “The Dukes of Hazzard,” a cleaned up, PC spoof of the actual show that preceded it, that can never tell whether its taking itself seriously, or as a general satire of hillbillies.

Most of the hype around “Dukes” revolved around Jessica Simpson’s CGI ass on movie posters plastered all over the city, and then around the fake ass she flaunted in the film, which later turned out were pads on the actual shorts. So, once the illusion is ruined, you begin to realize how utterly ridiculous “Dukes” is, especially since Daisy Dukes only appears for a small portion of the story. And I use the term very loosely. A sleepy eyed Willie Nelson, a boring Lynda Carter, a barely there Jessica Simpson, flat jokes, a boring Burt Reynolds, and the expected and obligatory cameos from “Broken Lizard” vets, and you have one heaping helping of fly covered bull crap on celluloid. The Duke Boys have lost their farm thanks to Boss Hog who wants to use their farm for strip mining.

Now they have to save the farm, engage in a lot of bland car chases, and get into all sorts of mishaps a la “American Pie.” Chandakresar’s film takes much of its two stars past endeavors and incorporates it into much of the story. Knoxville is never above doing physical comedy and beyond that his character isn’t very memorable, and then Sean William Scott reprises his “duh” sensibility he used as Stifler, and seems to be riding his entire career out by that image. As for the film itself, there’s really nothing to enjoy here other than a lot of stale dialogue, and a pitiful grab for a franchise. Flat jokes, boring story, incorporating the overrated “Broken Lizard” crew, and Jessica Simpson’s really big teeth, all mixed together to create a fine horse shit stew that is “The Dukes of Hazzard.” Nothing left to say.