The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)

R6byriLRule number one: Casting one of the most irritating actors of all time in a sequel to one of my favorite movies of all time is not a wise move, and is right earning of an old fashioned smack down. The newest craperrific sequel to one of the best films I’ve ever seen earns itself a place in my shit list casting Eddie Furlong as the hero. Furlong is just not hero material, and that’s one of the many mistakes of “Wicked Prayer”. It’s bad enough everyone here looks bored as hell, but Furlong’s character Jimmy Cuervo is a boring man who has no characterization.

We don’t know much about him except for that he’s in love with his girlfriend Lilly, and really lives in a trailer. And then that’s all we learn up until he’s offed. Cuervo is a boring main character being played by an untalented actor, and everyone else from Chriqui, to Boreanaz, to Reid looks as if they’re just following contractual obligations, and nothing more; their reaction to Cuervo re-appearing is awfully underplayed and laughable. “I don’t believe it,” says one henchman in a yawn inducing delivery. Furlong has zero on-screen presence, thus his transformation as the crow is listless as is the rest of the film. The good thing is, we don’t need a remake of “The Crow” since, we’ve already had three that did nothing but repeat the first and never bothered to explore new areas of this story.

But “Wicked Prayer” is the most blatant of the cribbing taking the entire story of Eric Draven and dropping into the Mexican setting, while Cuervo ends up as the more feminine counterpart to Eric Draven possessing make up that makes him look like a damn KISS fan boy. There is the hero in a suit rising from the grave, looking into a mirror, flashbacks in shades of red, his smashing of his furniture, destroying all his past mementos and his dramatic walk with the crow. It’s all so utterly boring and safe, and there’s yet to be a clear original experimentation with the lore and concept, and it’s a damn shame.

Not to mention Boreanaz as death possessing the power of the crow without dying is also very derivative of the lame sequel “City of Angels” yet was somehow done with a much better effect because that villain was actually rather frightening, while Boreanaz is a bore. Yes, I made a pun with his name, shut up. The mystique and Gothic mood is all but disintegrated, but that’s moot in a pretty wretched piece of crap such as “The Crow: Wicked Prayer”. Don’t worry, Brandon, your film has yet to be tarnished or touched high on the throne, so rest easy; Furlong, you gave it your best shot, now it’s time to hit the road. “The Crow: Wicked Prayer” is a dung heap because it’s just a third remake of Brandon’s film, and it fails in repeating what made the first film so fantastic.