Suburban Sasquatch (2005)

I don’t care if you’re independent or big budget, all-star or aspiring actor, first time director or veteran director, comedy is hard, it’s very hard, and more often than not, chances are you’re just not going to ace a comedy film. “Suburban Sasquatch” misses the target in every conceivable manner, because it’s never coherent or fluid. It never follows a coherent storyline, and even the worst of horror comedies make sense. Not a lick of what’s here makes the slightest bit of sense. “Suburban Sasquatch” really has a lot going for it, but never delivers in what it promises. The dialogue is inaudible, the characters are boring, and the plot rarely ever holds together.

Sometimes, the sasquatch is a machination of Native American lore, and sometimes it just migrated, sometimes it’s in the forest, and sometimes it’s in the suburbs, the local reporter is on the case, is called to a crime scene (you have to find amusement in crime scenes that only have the same two cops over and over again even though the murders become more gruesome), then is grilled for being there, and then is shooed away, but then when reporting about two murders, one of which was a mutilation, his editor explains “When you bring me a real story, I’ll print it.” Well if a man having his arms torn off in a small town isn’t a real story, then I’m frightened to think what’s considered printable. The modest budget was taken very much into consideration, but there have been many monster movies with low budgets that managed to give us something redeeming whether in characters or gore.

While sasquatch roams around picking people off, an Indian chief enlists the aid of his young sexy female apprentice whose mission is to track down the beast and kill him once and for all with her bow and arrow, but if the cause of this sasquatch’s murders are the developments of new homes in the forrest, wouldn’t the chief be more determined to explain why rather than murder it? But I never really begrudged the director for failing to explain this to us, because rather he just goes for comedy when the plot becomes non-existent. And while I could appreciate the comedic attempts at a man screaming holding his dog’s head while the sasquatch stands over him tearing the animal to pieces, and Mini Haha running around trying to shoot the beast down with arrows in her moccasins, “Suburban Sasquatch” just didn’t click. It’s surely a well-intentioned film with obvious attempts at comedy being given to us throughout the course of the story, but the potential doesn’t save the fact that it’s woefully unfunny, and really lacks any coherency or interesting story.