Little Black Book (2004)

01Why must we sympathize with a stupid character? Not a “ha-ha” stupid character, but an “Oh my god what an idiot” stupid character? We can’t, so we don’t. But Murphy is so cute, you’ll say. Who gives a crap? She’s kind of goofy looking, but that’s not my point. Why should we give a crap about this character who is so utterly irritating and obnoxious we are forced to sit through a two hour (!) movie about her “adventures” to discover her boyfriend is a lying, cheating, shit-for-brains? Shit-for-brains, meet shit-for-brains, because that’s what this movie is after all is said and done.

After this ended, I couldn’t have been happier to delete this from my box, because it is a half hour longer than it has the right to be, and it is surely one of the worst movies I’ve seen in years. The character Stacy here takes all the wrong steps, makes all the wrong moves, trusts all the wrong people, and the entire time, the writer is asking the audience “feel sorry for her”, but I didn’t! I was happy she got in to these situations and lost a lot of it in the end, because she’s an idiot. I couldn’t really understand her attraction to any of the characters here. Murphy’s character is so inept, so stupid, and so brain dead, we find nothing redeeming about this numbskull, and manage to sympathize for her boyfriend who, by the end, is just slumming it with her while he still keeps in touch with these incredible women. We go through two hours of this main character Stacy interviewing and interacting with these exes of her boyfriend who I ended up liking more than her. There’s the super model who is admittedly a bitch, but there are two other characters whom shun the actual lead.

There’s Rashida Jones who really is a great character as a gynecologist who still keeps in touch with Stacy’s boyfriend, and then there’s Julianne Nicholson who steals the show as Joyce, a beautiful waitress who really should have starred in the film. From the introduction of her character, she’s warm, funny, beautiful, doe-eyed, and so adorable, and she steals the second half of this away from Murphy. I was caring more about her than the actual main character Stacy, and was praying to the movie gods Stacy would walk off alone while Nicholson’s character re-united with Derrick. Only a misogynist could make a piece of crap like this. As for Murphy, she plays the same character for every stinking film, and she does it here as well expressing to the audience that she’s not an actress.

After crap like “Just Married”, “Uptown Girls”, and “Clueless”, I just don’t understand her appeal anymore and she doesn’t present anything really likable about her. The dog Bob has more acting ability and range than Murphy does, and I never felt sorry for her character Stacy, because she’s an insane dumb ass. What complete idiot doesn’t realize a podiatrist and a gynecologist are not the same? She finds the palm pilot with the pictures and numbers and keeps it a secret, but Derrick asks her to look through it knowing she’d see it and she doesn’t confront him. Even the writer doesn’t know how to logically handle this. We’re presented with much more idiotic elements during this crap fest, like an unusual cameo from Gavin Rossdale, a climax that made no sense, musical and dance numbers that made me want to pull my hair out, and a final scene that is so utterly obnoxious, I just have managed to develop a hatred for all things involving Murphy, and this almost made me develop a hatred for Carly Simon.

Yes, tis true. As Ron Livingston, and Kathy Bates are properly wasted, Holly Hunter has a do nothing role as a person who mentors Stacy on the show she works on. But the question is: what do these two idiots actually do on this show? What is their role in the production? I could never find out. And while the conventions keep on coming, we’re given some pointless narration by Murphy. The trite narration is painful; and they convey emotions Murphy can’t through her “acting” and “emoting” and really not only explain the story, but the lack thereof. But in the end there’s nothing here but the vile, black, ooze that is the waste of celluloid in this crappy flick. Murphy has no one to blame but her talentless, goofy self. This is crap. I imagine the only people whom will love this movie are women, and those women should be driven off a cliff for such reprehensible taste. There is nothing redeemable about this movie except for the scene stealing performance by Julianne Nicholson who shows Murphy how to be a sympathetic, sweet main character with brains. I want a movie surrounding her. Nicholson, I salute you.