Along Came Polly (2004)

Out of the entire movie, the only person that leaves unscathed is the person who doesn’t get a lot of the spotlight: Hank Azaria. It sucks he doesn’t do a lot more roles because this man is hilarious and truly steals the beginning of the movie with his role as a scuba diver nudist who steals Stiller’s character’s wife away. He’s such a funny man, and it’s a shame we never see more of him, pun not intended. So this is what comedies have become. Mediocrity at its finest. Throughout the entire movie you take two people, the male a comedian, the female a straight man, and all of it is just so mediocre while the movie is touted as funny as hell, you can see throughout the entire movie, while not laughing once, the writers are screaming at you from behind the camera, “This is funny! This is Ben Stiller! How can you not be laughing?! Are you mindless!”

The problem is, while its apparent the writers are desperately trying to make audiences laugh, the movie becomes all the more miserably unfunny. And eventually this is what develops, a mediocre movie about two uninteresting people the writers shove down our throat to make us care about them instead of endearing us. It’s fucking pathetic. If anyone would consider this a great comedy, then mediocre might just be your cup of tea, but I want a great comedy. I want comedy to make me laugh, I want comedy to make me think that if I don’t stop laughing I might piss myself. But alas, there are no comedies like that anymore, and “Along Came Polly” is living proof of it. It’s just mediocre. It never excels to be very funny, or really interesting, it’s just there to market off Jennifer Aniston, and keep Ben Stiller working.

You tend to notice that the writers are basically desperate when one gag after the other begins falling flat, and there is seemingly so much forced physical comedy squeezed in the first ten minutes. It was a surefire sign of desperation to get its audience laughing that never once made me break out in even a chuckle, and then the movie continues on this slump immediately. I’m not sure if the writers intended for the movie to be so gloomy so as not to be categorized as a romantic comedy, but it manages to be categorized as both in the long run. It’s gloomy and its just another romantic comedy where everyone in this looks bored. What makes it even more gloomy are the presences of Alec Baldwin and Phillip Seymour Hoffman, which kept prompting me to ask “What the hell are they doing in this crap?” Because for the life of me, I just can’t understand.

They have really crappy small roles in this film, but even those roles don’t do them justice. What’s sad is, not even the stars do what they’re supposed to do with their characters. Hoffman is this has-been but it’s underplayed comedy-wise, Alec Baldwin is a Jewish phony boss, but that’s underplayed. Polly is supposed to be this very unkempt, unorthodox free- spirited woman but she just seems average and fun-loving, and Reuben is supposed to be a tight knit, uptight man and Stiller can’t even make that go well because, after all, Reuben just seems safe. Of course the movie doesn’t even draw a scoff from me because this is furiously unfunny, this is so unfunny it’s painful. Are the writers aiming for comedy *at all*? There are times when this borders on whacky comedy about whack guy, to unfunny tragedy about a tragic misunderstood guy.

And what do today’s comedy writers do when they have no material that is making the audience laugh? Go with the toilet humor! That’s right! That’s the hacks express lane to forced laughter, you have the scene comprised of fart noises, and gurgling sounds, and there’s the violent diarrhea and it’s comedy gold! No. It isn’t. It’s tired. It’s weak. It’s unfunny. And it’s a cheap gauge at laughter from the audience. And yet more talented writers go without work. Moving on, the characters are just unlikable. We’re never given an explanation in to *anything* the characters do. Why did Messing’s character let herself get diddled by Azaria’s character? What was Stiller and Aniston’s attraction to one another? I can’t understand it nor do the writers ever bother to explain it to the audience. It’s as if they expect us to buy in to their romance since its these two celebrities. Reuben bears no attraction to Polly other than the fact that it might be destiny when they meet up at an art gala conveniently.

Their meeting is too brief, forced, and rushed for them to expect the audience to buy that they actually like one another . These are two basically unlikable people who like each other for no reason. These two vapid people have *zero* chemistry with one another, and their romance is just ridiculously far-fetched. Inevitably, everything goes just as we’d predict it from miles and miles away, and not once is there a sense of originality, or satisfaction from this derivative piece of corn covered horse shit. This is so awful I wanted to claw my own eyes out. You like movies that are mediocre? Movies without charisma, originality, or a sense of hilarity? Watch this, but if you actually have a sense of taste, avoid this piece of crap like it’s the plague.