Mansquito (2005)

MansquitoThis is the hybrid we’ve been waiting for, the combination of the mosquito and man that not even the best filmmakers could manage, Mansquito! I can just imagine the pitch meeting for this film at the studios. It’s comedy gold. Regardless, this is the kind of shlock drive-in movie you would have loved to see back in the fifties, though it follows along the vein of past movies plot-wise. The premise sounds cheesy even after considering it came from the Scifi channel who are now known for cheesy flicks, but it’s actually an interesting movie. I didn’t hate it. I was surprised also that Lorenzo Lamas wasn’t in this flick since he usually is in about every other Scifi Channel flick… maybe he was holding out for more money. After a new strain of disease rivaling west nile hits a worldwide epidemic, scientists are now working on a new antidote researching mosquitoes. A convicted murderer is being transferred to the lab to become a guinea pig for the antidote, but when he breaks free he raises hell in the lab and ends up being doused with experimental liquids.

He manages to escape but, wouldn’t you know it, he ends up becoming a giant mosquito, or a MANsquito. Don’t you just hate when that happens? Regardless now the mansquito is now loose on the city sucking people’s blood and ravaging the streets. God, those damn mansquitos, so annoying. And what’s worse, the scientist caught in the hostage situation during the criminal’s killing spree has been doused too and is slowly taking form into the mosquito. Yes, it’s that old tale. Man turns into bug, bug meets woman, bug falls for woman, woman turns into bug, hasn’t that been done before? Oh yes, “The Fly”! Now that was a great film, but this cheesy camp fest is fun, too. Surprisingly, I didn’t hate this movie, because it has quality within the seams of its plot. It’s production qualities are actually good considering the budget which seemed actually low, but there’s a lot to like in this movie.

The plot is a string of cliches, but it’s played well with the plot which is actually believable and of course the convict’s inevitable transformation into the mansquito which is juicy watchin’. Watch the amazing Mansquito! See him transform into one ugly motha—-! But, alas, the creature effects are very good here, I loved it. The limb extending, the ugly boils, his long straw like needle which was an obvious phallic symbol, and his legs stretching in front of his girlfriend, excellent. And how hilarious yet sad was it to see that girl come home just to be killed by a giant skeeter. I can imagine she’d had a bad day at the office then said, “what else can go wrong?” and then she meets Mansquito who sucks her blood. And wasn’t it funny when her friend is transforming in front of her while she’s just standing there screaming. But the hits just keep on coming as mansquito keeps ravaging poor people around the city while the cops can’t seem to get that there’s a creature sucking the blood.

It reminded me of the Halloween episode of “The Simpsons” where there’s obviously a vampire on the loose and they assume it’s a mummy. “Oh, look at that, there’s a humongous puncture wound that seemingly caved in her chest and all her blood is gone, oh look at that there’s the torn clothes the convict was wearing, and what’s this mysterious goop on the couch? Must be a new method of the killers!” Ugh, and didn’t anyone see this poor woman getting killed? But I digress, this is fun despite my seeming sarcasm, but how can you not like this movie? It’s fun, occasionally creepy, and just entertaining to sit through, and one of the major selling points were that this was surprisingly deliciously gory for a Direct to video movie on a cable channel with scenes of people being sucked dry, a lot of blood, guts, a guy getting his head cut in half, a guy getting his head squashed, plenty of impalings, and skeeter munchin’ to please the whole crowd.

None of which is cut away from, I might add. It’s sad, we have a DTV movie on a crappy cable channel which is featuring gore galore, as opposed to the high budget “AVP” which had zero gore. How sad is that? But the camp value alone is worth the two hours of commercials and endless “Stargate” ads drilled into the heads of viewers. And poor Corin Nemic looks bored but he does what he can do with his stereotypical detective character. Poor Parker Lewis. However, there were occasionally creepy moments added within the midst of skeeter munchin’, ala the hilariously spooky nightclub sequence where a poor sucker steps into a skeeter attack. It’s hilarious because some of the actors are really bad here which makes this not only creepy, but funny. Some of the funnier scenes are the one with the nightclub where the guys are frightened by the creature, and the funny stereotypical thug who gets his commuppance in an alley.

But the camp value is where the gold lies here folks, who can forget those brainless police who get killed one by one by the mansquito going into the oddly dark hospital being knocked off so easily despite their odd lack heavy artillery, and did anyone notice that the hero sent in a SWAT team? SWAT, get it? And let’s not forget the hilarious ending with Nemec’s voice over like this was a noir epic and he was the hero. Sheesh!  And, in case you were wondering, yes, Nemec (whose character seemingly has no name. Seriously, I checked IMDB) even mutters at one point “Hey–Mansquito!” Priceless! You gotta love a movie with this much camp value. All the while, I had fun and I was pleasantly surprised. Can you imagine if this turned into a franchise? Just think “Missquito”! “Son of Mansquito”, “Bride of Mansquito”, Or “WoMANSquito” Hell hath no fury like a woman stung! I’m going to pitch that one. Off to Hollywood, suckas! I’ve had it with this one horse town!

It’s become known that to make a good horror film, you have to basically create lapses in logic, but none is worse than the scientific fact that only female mosquitoes drink blood. That’s right. Only female mosquitoes drink and desire blood while male mosquitoes mostly drink sugar water and extract from flowers, but I guess it wouldn’t have been fun if mansquito went around the city drinking helpless victims’ sugar water. Regardless, it’s a ridiculous factual error that most likely caused a stir in the scientific world. I know even I didn’t believe that line. The giant lapses in logic continue coming as the movie gets even more ridiculous when I think it can’t possibly get any more. There’s a big disturbance at a hospital where mansquito has settled, he’s slaughtering people one by one, so where are the family members of the patients? Where’s the press? Why do the SWAT team come with semi-automatics instead of shotguns, rifles, and unlimited ammunition? Why is the hospital so damn dark?

This is a constant device used in horror and science fiction that is not passable, it’s annoying. Being in and out of hospitals constantly all my life, I know hospitals are never really dark, they’re always bright, and radiant, and often times too bright, the only really dark areas of a hospital are the waiting rooms on the ER which are a bit dark, and then the waiting rooms in front of certain areas, but I digress, it’s dumb and such a far-fetched device. And then there was the hospital sequence which was so utterly derivative of “Jeepers Creepers” a movie I personally loved, but come on, if you’re going to steal from movies, steal from better horror movies, would you please? This is another one of those so bad they’re good films with a really ridiculous concept, but overall you can’t help but like it a lot. With some great special effects, good gore, hilarious moments, and bad acting, you can’t take this too seriously. Enter with an open mind and you’ll enjoy it, like I did.