House of 1,000 Corpses (2003)

“House of a 1,000 Corpses” is a throwback and dedication to the old seventies horror films; a decade which is arguably the best decade to churn out some of the horror genre’s best. Zombie knows his material and uses it in this with the good ol’ tale of a group of teens who enter into the countryside to discover the land and end up getting more than they bargained for. This set up is tired and has been done to death, but do any of us really tired of watching teens get hacked, sliced, cut, tortured, tormented, stabbed, and tied? No! And that’s why I got such a kick out of this groovy horror homage.

It starts off with a sweet set-up as we enter upon “Captain Spaulding’s gas and Fried Chicken”. Now for the record, Zombie managed to achieve many pluses in this film and though the main characters are as thin as thin can be, the villains are beautiful. Enter Captain Spaulding played so magnificently by Sid Haig who not only manages to chew up every scene he’s in detracting from the other characters, but he’s so damn menacing and psychotic you can’t help but love him. He belts out this loud booming voice with the thick country accent, the always menacing clown get-up and he can’t go wrong. Watch the opener in which he stares down the barrel of a gun screaming and challenging fearlessly when two men try to rob his gas station. One of the best scenes of the film. I just dug this guy. Once again, the main characters aren’t interesting, and are just disposable as disposable can be, but Zombie managed to make some truly memorable psychos in the genre.

So the four teens are given a tour of maniacs by Spaulding and his creepy assistant in an odd sequence where they watch a display of the some of the most notorious serial killers that ever lived and they dig it, as did I. Out of curiosity, they beg Spaulding to give them the location of the tree where the infamous Dr. Satan was hung and then mysteriously disappeared. He gives it to them, and that’s where everything goes wrong. Listen to your parents folks, curiosity did kill the cat and morbid curiosity is a notorious killer. So, during a stormy retreat they pick up a beautiful hitchhiker named Baby played by Zombie’s wife and muse Sheri Moon. Moon is often credited with much inspiration for Zombie and has appeared in many of his videos and it’s no wonder why she manages to steal the scenes away from the principal cast.

Right off the back the four teens notice she’s a bit loopy, but I could care less because she was 1. Gorgeous, and 2. so much fun to watch. So their tire is shot (literally) and they’re stranded on the road where Baby leads them to her house. Instantly, the set up is weird. There’s the obligatory stuffed animals ala “Psycho”, the fireplace, freak family, and bones ala “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. Little do the teens know that upstairs the family has four cheerleaders hostage and are torturing them sadistically. So we go through the same cycle; teens discover the family are psychos too late, and they try to run, but experience a truly horrifying night. Moon is so enjoyable as Baby with her giggling, her odd attachment to her mother, and her eccentric, creepy, and funny performance in the basement singing “I wanna be loved by you”. The teens are slowly skimmed to which they’re brought underground in a sort of Lazarus pit and discover that Dr. Satan does exist, and there’s no escape. I really enjoyed the red tinting and great music during the film and Zombie can direct very well. The film has a gritty grim and isolated motif that works well with the plot and Zombie achieves the feel of the old seventies horror films to a tee.

There’s plenty of gore to be had here as well. There’s some scalpings, deformities, gun shots, and a vicious stabbing by none other than Baby. Zombie gives a great display of villains that almost outweigh the villains in “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and that’s what made this such a thrill to check out. After all the buzz heard about this film on the net about the graphic content and sickening gore, and all the movie studios passing on it because of the content, and Rob Zombie seeking a way to show audiences his work, yadda, yadda, I thought that maybe this might be actually worth a look, and my stomach stirred with excitement as I popped the tape in ready to feast on what hardcore horror fan Rob Zombie had to offer. Now…it’s not that “House of a 1,000 Corpses” is a complete mess, it’s just a mess without any direction plot wise. Full of contrivances, clichés, cheesy dialogue and paper thin characters, “House of 1k corpses” presents the amateur work of a fan boy who mixes a uneven stew of his favorite movie references sloppily without any real purpose to it; it felt like a movie geek making a movie of his favorite moments in horror movies without making a point, except for showing off his love for the genre.

“House of 1k Corpses” has that exact same feel and it’s a shame. I didn’t want to see a parade of a fan boy’s loves, I just wanted to see an all out ballsy horror flick, and this had so much potential from the beginning. Zombie, who wrote the script as well as directed the film, has no idea what to do with the plot. He lays out all sorts of plot elements and characters and never does anything with them like a child with a bunch of toys. He wants to grab onto them all, but ends up ruining it to a large extent. First off, there’s “Captain Spaulding’s fried chicken and gasoline” which we, the audience open upon. Now, there’s a hint that Spaulding himself and his weird sidekick may have a connection with the family in the film, but we’re never told if it is indeed the fact which leads to a creepy ending but an ultimately uneven one at that.

Taking from “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” set in 1977 (and zombie makes it clear with a lot of references to classic rock and clothing), four teens driving along a deserted road stumbling upon Captain Spaulding’s and take a tour of his twisted ride which showcases infamous serial killers. Zombie lays out all the clichés; a dark and stormy night, a deserted dusky road, four really dumb teenagers, and a couple of hillbilly freaks; so after hearing about the infamous Dr. Satan. One of the teens begs Captain Spaulding to give them a map of the scene where Dr. Satan’s body was hung and mysteriously disappeared, in which we enter into the pivotal plotline of the tale.

They stumble upon a beautiful hitchhiker named Baby who seems odd and flirtatious and leads them to the house, where for some reason, she and her family are psychotic. Now, I identify the pivotal characters without names, because they’re simply disposable and very forgettable because of the bad acting, and the simple terrible character development on Zombie’s part. Now, mind you, there’s brief interruptions from the “story” to show news bulletins of missing teens, and a father who’s looking for his daughter but it’s never really touched on. Somewhere along the line they piss the family off and all hell breaks loose. Now, I wanted to love this film, and maybe someday down the road I will, but for now this is simply just a mediocre horror movie so wrapped up in paying tribute to classic horror films it looses touch of its plot, characters, and villains. There’s “Creature from the black lagoon” posters, brief interludes with scenes from old horror films, etc. and all of that might be tolerable had it been subtly included as Quentin Tarantino does, but it’s so blatant and in your face it draw immediate focus away from the actual film at hand.

The plot is very uneven; does Captain Spaulding have a connection to the family or not? Why does “Tiny” preach about capitalism to the cheerleaders and why is he so fascinated with torture? Why do Baby and the mom take a liking to the young guys? Why was baby on the road in the first place? Was it to lead the teens to the house? How did she know they were going there? Either way, the film has it’s moments of pure entertainment, but there’s the sheer sloppiness of the film and how it’s put together with many references to obscure horror films that only a hardcore horror fan will know. A general movie-goer looking to spend a few bucks and kill time won’t understand much of what goes on. There’s references to classics like “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” ala the disfigured man, and the dinner table scene, and an episode from “The Twilight Zone” ala the masks, “The Hills have Eyes”, and even obscure classics like “Horror Hotel”, “Hell Night” and “Race with the Devil” that are so blatantly included into the fold, it’s hard to keep focus.

If that isn’t enough, there’s these odd interludes with what looks like confessions from the psycho family who talk about their sick love for blood, it’s oddly out of place despite being interesting. Along with the terrible acting from the cast of disgustingly under-developed characters, there’s the odd climax of the film in which the main character/heroine is plunged into the depths of a mine and witnesses hell for herself where Dr. Satan is still experimenting on human beings and enter demons, zombies, and even the groovy looking but sorely out of place super soldier who has a confrontation with the main girl and she escapes. Now, here’s where we enter into the annoying climax: she escapes from underground, stumbles upon Captain Spaulding and, Tiny emerges from the back seat and raises his knife, where the girl awakens back underground in the clutches of Dr. Satan.

Now with the sudden fade out and Captain Spaulding looking away unaware, we could either assume that he’s with the family and is leading her back into the pits of hell when her guard is down, or Tiny snuck into his car and killed them both, but we’re never given a true verification, so we’re left with questions galore and the true mark of a rookie filmmaker, the pivotal closer that goes something like: THE END… (enter ubiquitous question mark) ? My goodness how that’s been done to death. Hell, even I made a couple of homemade horror flicks with the standard THE END and question mark. Oh, I hope the sequel is more organized. I’m a hardcore Rob Zombie fan, but a spade is a spade. This is cheesy, vapid, contrived, and shallow, but it’s also very entertaining, interesting, and deserves to be watched for the great performances by the psychos. Missing them will be a real waste.