Men in Black II (2002)

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This is such a fiercely and aggressively bad movie that I could have torn my eyebrows off my forehead to pass the time. It doesn’t help that this film is an hour and a half because watching this makes it feel like it’s two and a half hours long. It’s amazing how such a skilled actor like Will Smith has managed to build a career upon mediocre and sometimes awful summer blockbusters, yet he continues to rake in the dough movie-wise. “Men in Black 2” is a prime example of a terrible summer blockbuster that should have never been made.

Instantly the movie starts on a bad note with Smith’s character in a predictable and crude situation along with his latest inter-changeable partner played by Patrick Warburton in a basically thankless role. Why this guy continues to play the dumb inept big doofus’s is beyond me; doesn’t he know any other type of personality to play? It’s so obvious that the filmmakers would throw a large opening special-effects scene to make up for the weak opener and the instant terrible one-liners spouted by Smith who confronts a large worm which tears through a vent and takes him on a ride through a subway. Then, for no reason whatsoever, this plant-like alien thing pops out of the sky in a meteor (how original) and forms out of a magazine ad into a ridiculously gorgeous woman that looks a lot like “The Practice’s” Lara Flynn Boyle. It then continues on a mission to look for an intergalactic relic that could somehow change the course of Earth and the universe or destroy it.

She (or it) known as Serleena stumble upon Scrad and Charlie a two headed alien, who, for some reason not truly explained is forced to aide her in her mission. A store worker named Laura witnesses her boss die at the hands of Serleena who interrogates him about the light of Zartha. Agent J finds her and keeps her in protective custody while he begins his mission to bring back Agent K who (evidently) plays a key role in the story. Agent J then finds agent K who is now¬†working at a post office among many nameless faces and is confronted by J who manages to convince him that he was an agent for MIB yet doesn’t remember. As the first one did, the super-villain is not focused on, despite the fact that they are played by big stars. Vincent D’ Onofrio played the big bug thing wearing the skin in the first, now Flynn Boyle plays Serleena who plays like a cardboard cutout merely appearing in the movie for no such reason.

Why this happens is beyond me; maybe the studios feel they wouldn’t want to outshine the two leads which is impossible considering their characters are just as cardboard as the villain. As all Rick Baker films, the special effects are excellent but tend to serve no purpose whatsoever and make no sense as many other things in this. There’s some cool alien effects throughout the film including the freaky alien criminals. There are also a couple of senseless celebrity cameos including Peter Graves, teen actor Nick Cannon as an agent, teen star Amanda Bynes as an onlooker in a crowd, and even Michael Jackson has a cameo as an alien… oh, I mean a human… but he did have alien make-up on his face… wasn’t it make-up? … you mean he really looks like that?! This is a truly tepid sequel to an already overblown movie; you can pass this in the video store and not feel like an alien.