Our 10 Worst Movies of 2015


With the good comes the bad, and 2015 had its fair share of awful films that left audiences and critics running for the doors. There were some films we outright refused to see this year, so you won’t see “The Human Centipede 3” on this list, nor will you be seeing “Joe Dirt 2,” either. We just will not go out of our way to watch a David Spade vehicle. We also didn’t bother with “The Cobbler.” There’s only so much Happy Madison junk we can stomach.

Bad Movies in 2015 that almost made the list includes the pure havoc Happy Madison wrought with the terrible Pixels, the brutally unfunny Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, and the absolutely unwatchable The Ridiculous 6. We almost included Johnny Depp’s terrible Mortdecai, the piss poor lazy prequel Pan, and also considered the Adam Green self love fest Digging Up the Marrow. We also considered adding the lame and dull We Are Your Friends, and seem to be one of the only five people on Earth who hated Bone Tomahawk. There were just more deserving candidates. On to the Worst of 2015…

insurgent10. Insurgent
Directed by Robert Schwentke
Lionsgate Films
Release Date: March 20th
Buy It Now
It’s hard to believe that with a bunch of “Hunger Games” wannabes out there in theaters that the “Divergent” series has managed to find its footing and keep moving forward. The first film in the series was just mediocre as all get out, but “Insurgent” completely loses my faith by losing sight of what made the first movie so fun and tries in vain to be cerebral. Rather than hit the ground running from its soft start in to something even more exciting, it, for some reason, decides to scale it all back and dig down deep in to a vain cerebral journey in to our heroine’s psyche as she struggles to overcome personal demons or some nonsense. “Insurgent” is painfully and almost comically boring, to the point where I wondered if the writers had all but given up on the premise of the film’s first ending. What happened to all the promises of running for their lives, and getting in to combat, and experiencing the wilderness and uncovering secrets about the outside world they never knew existed for so long? “Insurgent” should have amped up the energy and action to eleven and further developed Tris. Instead by the finale, she’s still just the person we met in the finale of “Divergent” and we’re left with a lot of questions that I’m not going to return to discover. I gave this series two tries, and I’m going to tap out.


9. Poltergeist
Directed by Gil Kenan
Twentieth Century FOX
Release Date: May 22nd
Buy It Now

With the slew of haunted house and ghost movies hitting theaters and stores, it’s just much too little, and much too late to deliver a remake of “Poltergeist.” And the producers don’t even seem to try to do anything new with the Tobe Hooper Steven Spielberg classic. They just stick to safe and bland material, tone down a lot of the gore and dark humor, and pretty much do nothing with the source material. In a world where we’ve been given wonderful horror films about ghosts and demons like “The Conjuring,” The “Insidious” trilogy, and “The Babadook” you assume that the producers would want to try something completely bold and out of the box. Instead they hired the director of “Monster House” to deliver a live action version of his animated movie, and just offer up rehashed pale imitations of the best scares from the original movie. The TV segment is jacked up, the face gag is botched, and the entire advertising campaign centered on the possessed clown doll, a scare that was really unexpected upon first viewing the original movie. And of course, for the purposes of being PC, the heroes that fight the ghosts this time are television ghost hunters, tasked with battling the house and handed a tacked on romance sub-plot. There’s no heart, no scares, no creativity and zero enthusiasm behind this stale, incredibly awful reworking of the original horror fantasy.


8. Hot Pursuit
Directed by Anne Fletcher
Warner Bros.
Release Date: May 7th
Buy It Now

Downright unfunny, and I say that as someone who can find at least one moment worthy of a chuckle in even the worst comedy. “Hot Pursuit” is a terrible mix of “Midnight Run,” and “Thelma and Louise” and pairs two very talented women, both of whom have literally nothing humorous to do. Sofia Vergara is very capable of being hilarious in the right circumstances (Watch “Modern Family”), while Reese Witherspoon can definitely crack a smile here and there, but the writers have no use for either of the stars. “Hot Pursuit” is just a flat affair all around, with a miserable pacing, and a meandering storyline that goes everywhere and yet goes nowhere. Vergara tries way too hard to hammer home her usual schtick as Latin goddess with a heavy accent, while Witherspoon can never seem to salvage any of the slim material she’s given as the film’s heroine, and straight man. Even potentially humorous material, like the pair of women sneaking past a highway check point while pretending to be a deer is completely botched and utterly wasted. “Hot Pursuit” feels like they took an R rated better comedy and completely watered it down just to give Sofia Vergara to do while not working on “Modern Family.” Witherspoon and Vergara deserve so much better than this stale vehicle.


7. Aloha
Directed by Cameron Crowe
Sony Pictures
Release Date: August 25th
Buy It Now

It’s very hard to believe such an ill conceived and painfully boring movie could have been brought to us by the man behind “Almost Famous.” There’s just nothing to “Aloha” that indicates anyone was making a good decision at any point. Cameron Crowe tells a meandering, rambling, over sentimental, and convoluted tale, and brings in a bunch of A list stars to do literally nothing to raise the movie up. Bradley Cooper is muscle bound and tan but is supposed to be a hollow burnt out man. Fail. Emma Stone plays a pure Hawaiian woman who is also supposed to be Asian. Fail. Rachel McAddams literally has no character in the movie and almost plays a ghost. Fail. Bill Murray Bill Murrays up the film for some short scenes all for a character that belonged in a cheap science fiction action thriller. Fail. Crowe attempts so anxiously to be original, he can’t even concoct a coherent movie. I don’t know what he was thinking building a romance drama comedy based around a millionaire who might have a secret stash of nuclear warheads in a private satellite. It just feels like “Aloha” is a ton of various paper thin concepts for different movies that Crowe tried to mix in to one feature, and failed big time.


6. The Gallows
Directed by Chris Lofing, Travis Cluff
Warner Bros.
Release Date: June 30th
Buy It Now
Yet another reason for the argument of why the found footage sub-genre should probably go away for a very long while, “The Gallows” has all the suspense of a Hardy Boys novel, and so many plot holes it eventually becomes embarrassing. It doesn’t even seem like the writers were trying with “The Gallows.” I can take a bad movie, but an incompetent one is just inexcusable. It also sucks that this comes from Blumhouse Productions, which usually fuels some creative horror genre entries. They’re two for two with awful films in 2015, a streak I hope they break out of very soon. Nothing in “The Gallows” makes the slightest bit of sense. Why would a high school production build an actual working gallows for their play? Why would they re-stage the same play that resulted in a horrible death twenty years before? Why didn’t anyone know the main character’s dad was supposed to be in the original play? Why didn’t the main character notice his father was in the original cast list, which was prominently displayed in the school hall? Why does the school have zero security? If the ghost planned to hang the main character how did it know he’d sneak in to the school after hours allowing it to hang him? There’s just so much more plot holes where that came from, and none of it is remotely forgivable because “The Gallows” isn’t a bit scary. It’s moronic, and ends on a hilariously stupid final scene. It’s time to put this horror movie format to bed, Hollywood. Or, you know, try to make a good movie. Novel concept.


5. Jem and the Holograms
Directed by Jon M. Chu
Universal Pictures
Release Date: October 23rd
Buy It Now
Yet another movie engineered by a studio in hopes of cashing in on those big nostalgia bucks, “Jem and the Holograms” trots out trite themes about fame, family, and being true to yourself. It’s so tepid, it makes “Glitter” seem like an honest glimpse in to the music industry. I’m not one of the people that have a long history with “Jem,” but I do know of the series, and it’s a shame none of the good stuff is implemented in the movie. The writers don’t just ignore the original series, but they also outright mock it, and smugly show the audience that they’re just making up their own story. This time around “Jem” is a cheaply made vain attempt to comment about the age of the internet, and how fame can live and die on the world wide web. It’s sad to see really talented folks like Molly Ringwald, Juliette Lewis, Stefanie Scott, and Haylie Kiyoko completely trashed in to such a bland an uninspiring tale about an underdog singer who comes out of her shell when she invents the singing persona Jem. If that’s not bad enough, when the film isn’t being saccharine and sickly sweet, it’s utterly dull, trying very hard to ride on our nostalgia for the original animated series. It also has the gall to end on a question mark. After being pulled out of theaters by the studio only two weeks after premiering, I doubt we’ll see the sequel teaser in the final scenes ever come to fruition as a full franchise.

14441726270494. The Green Inferno
Directed by Eli Roth
High Top Releasing
Release Date: September 25th
Buy It Now
You can’t seriously look at “The Green Inferno” and pretend it’s breaking some sort of new ground. “The Green Inferno” is another stale reworking of the same gore and grue you’ll find in “Cannibal Holocaust,” “Cannibal Ferox,” and any number of the various cannibal movies you may have found in the mid to late seventies. Except this time Eli Roth fills the movie with the exact same formula he’s been working with since his first film. It’s another grossly unfunny tale of stoner lily white Americans happening in to a foreign land and being mutilated by those terrible non-white people. Everything about “The Green Inferno” is embarrassing, from the terrible dialogue, ridiculous foreshadowing, humdrum gore, and ridiculous dark humor that should have been left on the cutting room floor. One character is eaten by a bunch of stoned cannibals with the munchies, while another character is reduced to squatting in the corner of a cage to violently move her bowels while the other prisoners cringe in horror. Every attempt at comedy comes off as warped and demented fodder by someone who likely gets their jollies watching bum fights on youtube. I’m anxious for the day when the horror community stops worshiping the talentless knob known as Eli Roth.


3. Fifty Shades of Grey
Directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson
Focus Features
Release Date: February 13th
Buy It Now
This is one of the few films of 2015 so bad it literally left me livid when the credits began to roll. It’s furiously boring, incredibly moronic, and probably the least erotic movie about bondage and S&M than I’ve ever seen in my life. Based on the moronic novel that was bought for oodles of cash, “Fifty Shades of Grey” amounts to a brutally terrible and droning drama about an abusive, demented, and bland billionaire that all the women seem to love, despite the fact he’s about the most boring character ever conceived. It must be because he’s rich, because Christian Grey lacks personality, charisma, charm, and anything else that would indicate he’s somewhat human, and let’s face it: all the women want him because he’s stinking rich. And he’s allowed to be possessive, obsessive, abusive, domineering, and violent because he’s rich. Meanwhile, moronic Anastasia walks around pouting and gaping idiotically at just about everyone, and can’t seem to figure out why the abusive asshole she’s been sleeping with is suddenly making her life so miserable. Golly gosh.


2. Fant4stic
Directed by Josh Trank
20th Century Fox
Release Date: August 7th
Buy It Now
I don’t care who is to blame for this movie, but everyone involved had something to contribute to the catastrophe that is “Fant4stic.” The movie was engineered by a committee, fueled by a studio unwilling to give up the rights to the property, made by a studio purely out of spite, tailored to be grim and gritty, is written as a prequel to a larger planned movie series, completely ignores or misinterprets the original source material, is directed by a man who also completely misunderstood the material, who insists his original idea for the movie (which also sounded immensely crappy) was going to be a great film. Then we see four really excellent young actors slog around for ninety minutes, delivering lifeless and listless iterations of four of the most famous and charismatic characters in pop culture. Trank’s lemon is tonally confused, brutally boring, bafflingly stupid, and is packed with unresolved sub-plots. It’s also given a pat “To Be Continued…” climax that, five years from now, will inspire chuckles from an audience that know we’ll never see any kind of follow-up to this horrendous mess. Stop making a travesty out of Marvel’s first family. Please.


1. Terminator Genysis
Directed by: Alan Taylor
Written by: Patrick Lussier, Laeta Kalogridis
Starring: Emilia Clarke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Clarke, Jai Courtney
Paramount Pictures
Release Date: July 1st
Buy It Now
Another of the many reboots of 2015 created and approved by a committee in hopes of banking on the nostalgia of sci fi nerds from the nineties, “Genysis” is a rancid, boring, embarrassing mess that completely destroys the entire mythology of the Terminator series. The movie itself tries to correct the mistakes made by “Terminator 3,” and “Salvation” while simultaneously obliterating all of the good elements of the mythos, and undermining the original Terminator masterpieces. Characters like Sarah Conner and the original T-800 go back in to time to literally destroy continuity from the first two films, and think they’re being clever by staging an alternate time line, when really they just outright convey to the audience that the writers and producers have little to no respect for the first two movies. There is a ton of flat fan service, a dozen brutally obnoxious references to the first two movies, and all around badly miscast characters.

Jai Courtney as Kyle Reese? You’re not even trying anymore at this point, are you, Paramount? There’s also a heap of unfunny dark humor, and Arnold Schwarzenegger who just looks pathetic at this point, fighting as a sixty year old cyborg battling his younger self in the previous time line. Everything about “Genysis” is absolutely painful and ridiculous, and Paramount hopes we can forgive its glaring, gaping flaws, and utterly lackluster performances all because: Nostalgia! Nostalgia! Nostalgia! Who needs quality when you have the good old memories of enjoying “Terminator” and “T2” to tuck you in all nice and cozy at night? Buy Terminator merchandise because nostalgia! “Genysis” ain’t too bad because you know: Nostalgia and all. Seriously, Paramount: toss this series in the crapper, and focus on destroying another less beloved movie series. I’m begging you.



Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension
Buy It Now
We invested six movies in to a consistently unfolding story with a massive narrative for a movie that promised to deliver answers to the hard pressing questions. “The Ghost Dimension” only answered some questions, and left a lot of it in the air. And yes, it’s all for, what I assume will be an inevitable reboot in about five or six years when the mood strikes. “The Ghost Dimension” is the “final” installment in the controversial “Paranormal Activity” series that offered no real resolution and created a lot of unusual plot holes to boot. To add insult to injury, we don’t even get a resolution to the story lines of Katie, and her nephew. And yes, we get to see Toby, but mainly his feet. Though we understand in the final scene what he wanted, what his ultimate goal is for the manifestation we see is still a curiosity. When the movie series makes its return in a few years, I won’t be back to see if the writers will oblige us the courtesy of a resolution.