Cop Out (2010)

In spite of hating almost everything Kevin Smith has ever done, I’ve always given him the benefit of the doubt because he seems like a cool guy. But at the end of the day being a cool guy doesn’t mean you’re going to make a good movie, and “Cop Out” is proof of that. Being just a goon for hire this time, Smith has released quite possibly his worst movie to date, and the very fact that he’s continued to defend it just astounds me. I mean I’ve heard of directors defending their work, but a lemon is a lemon. “Cop Out” is a movie that had the chips stacked against it from the get go. This is not an original Smith production, and it has some of the worst casting of all time.

Attempting to channel “48 Hours” we get two mismatched cops working together on a case, except Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy are talented individuals while Willis and Morgan are people who have no business being in a movie together. And god help him, Smith seems to be trying his best with this movie, but nothing here works at all. Which is shocking and quite depressing because the results of Smith trying to make something out of this flaccid garbage is ultimately futile. It’s almost a non-movie when all is said and done. It’s minus a movie. People cut Kevin Smith slack like he’s their step kid or something and if this were another director people would be crucifying them for such a piece of dreck.

Yet here we have Smith waddling around on the set directing this awful movie and people are patting him on the back with consistent “You did your best, kid. We still love you.” This movie was so awful it made me angry. It’s not funny. It’s not original. It’s not even dumb fun, it was just void of anything and everything resembling entertainment on even its most basest levels. It was almost like I was watching a sequel to “Cop and a Half” where I couldn’t even believe the characters in this movie were actually considered to be police officers by their co-workers, once. Smith taps all of the famous cop movie cliches trying to come off as someone homaging the old cop films of the eighties but can never quite decide for himself where he’s going with all of this.

Is this a buddy comedy? A buddy cop comedy? A satire of a buddy cop comedy? Or just one big practical joke? Nevertheless the film defeats all potential of entertainment in the very first five minutes as the Cullens try their hardest to deliver one-liners that are utterly moronic and painful to endure ninety percent of the time. Further proving Smith has no idea what to do here he first introduces out partners as mismatched cops forced to work on a case, but then we quickly learn that they’re actually quite involved with one another and team up like Harry and Lloyd in “Dumb & Dumber” with both of them thinking they’re the straight man in the duo.

Then the film goes off on a wild erratic trip of sketches and segments that are attempting to convince us is one fluid story but is really just a beat by beat comedy show that’s about as lackluster as it can get. The extent of the comedy boils down this exchange: Willis and Morgan are interrogating two Mexican men trying to find out the location of their boss. One of the men is speaking in obvious Spanish ordering his partner not to divulge his location, and Willis leans over to Morgan and declares “It’s French.” This is as clever as the Cullens get and it only gets worse. I laughed once. In the entire movie. Once. There’s Jason Lee in a painful cameo, some of the worst Mexican stereotypes ever depicted in a movie, and “banter” between Willis and Morgan that is just mind-numbing at times.

This movie is every bit as bad as people have said and worse. I’ll watch “When Harry Met Lloyd” instead of this. I’ll see Morgan’s short-lived sitcom over this. I’ll watch Justin Beiber in concert over this. Smith? You’re about done here. Time to wrap it up. Hey Kevin? It’s time to pack it in big fella, because “Cop Out” is a surefire sign that you’d be better off sitting in front of your house on a rocking chair discussing comic books with geeks who still worship at your throne. You were never very talented to begin with, so we’re not missing out on much. “Cop Out” is undoubtedly one of the worst movies of the year, if not the decade.