KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)

I think even during my days when I was all about KISS (1997-2003), I would have probably found “Phantom of the Park” kind of banal and run of the mill. It’s not so much that it’s a bad movie, but it’s kind of monotonous and tedious, even for the most forgiving fanatic. I mean forgiving as in you even accept their lame attempt at disco: “I Was Made for Loving You.” It’s so void of narrative or substance that not even the great rock music and theatrics from the band at the height of their fame can save what is a ton of filler and about twenty minutes of actual narrative.

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Five Great Films for Puerto Rican Heritage Month

Sadly we were not able to have the Puerto Rican Day Parade this year for the first time in so many years, but November is Puerto Rican Heritage Month. While the origins of the month are tied to (ugh) Christopher Columbus, the sentiment behind the month is fantastic, as November marks the celebration of the Puerto Rican culture, and all of its contributions to society, science, education, technology and pop culture. This year, be sure to stay home and celebrate with these five great films that are perfect for Puerto Rican Heritage Month.

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The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot about Halloween! (2016)

I had absolutely no idea that the Cat in the Hat had his own animated series on television in America. He was always my favorite troublemaker in the Seuss universe.. The studios have been mining Seuss tales for years for new material and have given us is that wretched live action movie. This time around the animated adventure of the cast and his pals learn about the meaning of Halloween.

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Daffy Duck & Porky Pig Meet The Groovie Goolies (1972)

As a hardcore Looney Tunes fan, it’s heartbreaking to see how low the character gallery sank in the latter years. With the aging and inevitable death of Mel Blanc, the Looney Tunes basically tread water for years. With this movie, the Looney Tunes gang shares a marquee with a group of goofy monsters that get in all sorts of mishaps and adventures. What ensues is a dull, grating (the Looney Tunes don’t need no stinkin’ laugh track), and absolutely bizarre outing for the gang from Termite Terrace.

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When a Stranger Calls Back (1993) [Blu-Ray]

Fred Walton returns for what is such a ridiculous sequel to an already abysmal thriller that I’m stunned there was any demand for it. Walton already spent ninety minutes stretching a five minute campfire tale in to a full fledged crime thriller, but this TV movie sequel watches like a ludicrous episode of a mediocre crime series. This is a premise so absurd and void of real tension or suspense. It seems like the writers spent so much time looking for a concept to resuscitate this concept and they fail with a tedious piece of genre claptrap.

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House of the Witch (2017)

There’s something kind of charming about Alex Merkin’s “House of the Witch.” It’s a straight up rip off of “Night of the Demons” while also feeling a lot like a fan film for “The Blair Witch Project.” It’s part are all from much better movies made before, but even at its most clunky, I didn’t have a bad time. “House of the Witch” is that kind of movie you could probably appreciate as a passing treat on a random night if you had absolutely nothing to do. I also found the final scene to be pretty damn clever, as it at least gives us a reason for the seemingly random series of events that unfold.

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You Have to See This! The Last Halloween (1991)

I’d say the best marketing The Last Halloween ever had was on a bag of Reese’s Pieces during the Halloween of 1991. I can still remember my mom buying the big bag of Reese’s Pieces and on the lower left hand corner there was the ad for the CBS special premiering that month with the “Mission to MARS” mascots front and center. It was a fine Halloween, with a great special that ran once on CBS and before disappearing into obscurity. Serving as a promotional film for the candy company MARS Company, “The Last Halloween” was a half hour movie about a small town named Crystal Lake with an economy reliant on their massive candy factory.

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See No Evil: The Moors Murders (2006)

Allegedly recounting the grizzly child murders that took place in the Moors of Europe, “See No Evil: The Moors Murders” is a sluggishly paced dramatic thriller that is often too centered on character to ever actually concentrate on the murders behind Myra and Ian Bradley. Apart from its tedious pacing, the constant meandering from Writer Neil McKay and Directors Christopher Menaul, and Nicola Morrow turn the mini-series “See No Evil: The Moors Murders” into a trying, often tedious experience that frankly bored me out of my skull.

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