See No Evil (2006)

I theorize that “See No Evil” would have been much more entertaining had Hulk Hogan been a knife wielding slasher stalking a bunch of nameless characters. Can you imagine the hulkster puckering his lips, swinging a chainsaw and screaming “What are ya gonna do, when the hulkamania comes after you?!” Don’t pretend that wouldn’t have been fun. “See No Evil” is a vehicle pretending to be horror, and watches like a grindhouse Z film that’s one part “Saw”, one part “Slumber Party Massacre”, and one part “Jason Lives.”

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Botched (2007)

“In and out, what could go wrong?” has been the famous last words of every man in existence, and it’s basically the last words of our hapless hostages and their inept captors in “Botched.” While the premise is creaky with much of the narrative reminiscent of “From Dusk Til Dawn,” Kit Parker’s “Botched” is a horror comedy up there in lunacy with fare like “Severance” and “The Cottage.” While “Botched” begins clumsily with a poorly edited rushed sequence of events extrapolating Ritchie’s predicament, it’s a movie you’ll want to stick with. Once the blood begins to pour, the raucous comedy and gruesome horror ensure a worthy experience deserving of an audience.

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Five More Great Horror Movie Heroines

There’s no shortage of movie heroines in modern horror cinema (or movies in general, for that matter), and we’ve reached a golden age where the women can stand toe to toe with the men, and often times manage to produce more results than the men. 2019 has had a very good gallery of strong heroines, and with the upcoming premiere of “Little Monsters” along with the season premiere of “The Walking Dead,” I thought it’d be good fun to list five more great horror movie heroines for Halloween Horror Month. What are some of your favorites?

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3 From Hell (2019)

I don’t know what you can chalk it up to. Maybe it was the unfortunate illness of the late great Sid Haig that caused Rob Zombie to re-write a lot of “3 From Hell.” Or maybe he just didn’t know where to take his characters next. For a movie that takes great pains to explaining in detail how and why the Firefly Clan survived, it’s disappointing when “3 From Hell” does absolutely nothing new with them. Rob Zombie has a lot of windows to basically re-invent his characters and present some kind of social commentary, but in the end it’s just Zombie treading water with middling results.

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He’s Out There (2018)

Quinn Lasher’s “He’s Out There” is a film that’s gotten a lot of buzz for being a hidden gem on Netflix and I have to contest that assumption. Is it a hidden gem? No. It’s not even a very good movie, when you cut it down. Lasher’s horror survival thriller is a good idea, but a movie that falls apart when you supply even the simplest logic to it. No really, not even nitpicks, but a simple “Wait a minute…” will eventually lead you down the path to “Well that’s kind of stupid,” in the end.

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The Furies (2019)

Tony D’Aquino’s “The Furies” is teeming with potential but is a movie that seems to be hell bent on pissing away any and all entertainment value at every turn. Everything in “The Furies” could have used another draft, from the motives of the mysterious villains, the motivation of the protagonists, and of course the final scene that ends on the presumption that a sequel is coming up the pipe line or something.

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Don’t Fall Asleep – My Five Favorite Freddy Kruger Moments

This year “A Nightmare on Elm Street” celebrated its 35th anniversary, the highly influential slasher film became the quintessential horror movie series of the eighties, turning Freddy Krueger in to one of the most recognizable villains in horror movie history. You wouldn’t think a scarred undead child molester and murderer with claw hands who takes perverse delight in haunting teens would become a mascot for the eighties, but you’d be shocked. Krueger was incredibly popular in the eighties, arguably more than Jason Voorhees, and I say that as someone who favors Jason. In either case, these are five of my favorite Freddy Krueger moments where he wrought havoc on unsuspecting Elm Street kids and was at his most sadistic.

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