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Star Ballz (2001)

starballzThe 2001 anime spoof of “Star Wars” is so stuffed with inexplicable nonsense, you’ll likely get a few laughs out of if in the first ten minutes. And then get bored. And then begin fast forwarding until the very end. Thankfully the movie clocks in at a merciful forty five minutes in length; the rest of the film is all a lot of shots and scenes infringing on so many copyrights that it’s both impressive and moronic.

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Stewardess School (1986)

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In 1984, “Police Academy” stormed in to theaters and helped define comedy for the eighties. Suddenly every profession in America was some kind of madcap misadventure, including being a stewardess, for some reason. “Stewardess School” is another take on the formula, this time with a group of misfits doing their damndest to train to become stewardesses, all the while getting naked, doing drugs, and experiencing some of the best stereotypes you can imagine. Filled with only the best C list TV stars, “Stewardess School” is passable entertainment if you keep in mind it’s trying its best to launch a series on the “Police Academy” formula.

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Are All Men Pedophiles? (2012)

If director Jan-Willem Breure’s documentary “Are All Men Pedohiles?” ever gets a wider distribution deal, it definitely needs a new title. The title of the film posits the film as a thesis about the potential for all men to be pedophiles in the making. In reality, Breure’s film is really about pedophilia as a while and what it means to be one and to identify one. The title makes the assertion that it tackles the potential for all men to be pedophiles, when Breure interviews all kinds of subjects about pedophilia. He even interviews female pedophiles during the mid-point of the movie. So while the title does in a sense tackle the theory that any attraction to children can be deemed as pedophilia, Breure offers the example that men and women can be pedophiles and have sexual attraction to children of all ages, hence the title is really a misnomer of a sorts.

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Girls and Corpses: Volume 6 [Magazine]

iZ39kCgFor folks who like sex and grue wrapped up in a gory little bow, “Girls and Corpses” is surely to whet your appetite. “Girls and Corpses” is an entertaining horror magazine that spotlights the obscure corners of the horror world while allowing readers their own fantasies in the process. There’s spreads on facial make up that results in a grotesque gallery of facial rotting, old pictorials of women posing with skeletons and cadavers, explorations of mechanical art, as well as digital art, and a heavy emphasis on horror photography that explores taboo sexual practices.

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Ten Horror Femmes We'd Spend the Night With

I remember watching a horror documentary about Dracula, and I forget who exactly said it, but during a screening of Frank Langella’s “Dracula,” two women in the audience admitted that they would completely allow Langella’s Dracula to take them with him and turn them, if they could just spend the night with him. In spite of the inherent attraction and allure of the vampires, men also have those female figures in horror that we wouldn’t mind spending the night with, even if it meant sacrificing our very lives, skin, blood, or brains. For the very reason those women would have given themselves to Dracula is the reason why many men would submit themselves to certain horror femmes. In spite of suffering a slow and possibly painful death, you’re almost guaranteed a night of head exploding, heart rupturing, love making that will leaving you a withered, soulless, but wide grinning corpse. To add to the endless hordes of horror geeks who’d offer themselves up to hot horror figures of the opposite sex, we list ten horror femmes we’d risk our very essence to spend one long night with.

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Secrets of Sex (1970) (DVD)

secretssexYou either know it as the title “Secrets of Sex” or the more aptly titled “Bizarre,” as director Antony Balch’s sexploitation horror anthology is clearly a film that lives up to such a title. Synapse re-releases this seventies gem in the guise of a sexploitation movie, but don’t be fooled. It is very much a horror film of the truest nature that’s reliant on the appeal of sexuality to lower the audiences guards. “Secrets of Sex” is such an unusually surreal piece of genre work that uses sex and the awakening of our sexual natures as a tool for incomparable horror. And through that it tells various stories through the mouth of an inexplicably placed mummified corpse that has seen the battle of the sexes waged for too long.

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Zombies Strippers! (2008)

Jay Lee tries his damndest to take porn star retiree (how long will that last?) Jenna Jameson and posits her as the next B movie scream queen a la Linnea Quigley or Debbie Rochon and I have to set it straight that Jameson will not be the next anything in horror. Any and all attempts to gain some sense of pop culture standing, beyond being a famous porn star have been fruitless and quixotic (her comic proved that). However, as a person who was excited about and interested in seeing “Zombie Strippers!” Jameson isn’t that bad here and that’s because Lee doesn’t ask much from her beyond name recognition.

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