“Dirty Dancing” 2017: A Truly Awful Remake in an Increasingly Tired Trend

ABC Television’s remake of “Dirty Dancing” is a god awful and ill conceived version of the eighties classic. I don’t say that as a fan of the original, or an eighties kid, but as someone who just can’t abide a truly awful reworking for a film that didn’t need it. Did we forget “Havana Nights” already? ABC goes for an over two and a half hour remake that is just about as listless and ridiculous as you can imagine. For some reason the writers thought it’d be a good idea to add a story frame for the actual story that ensues between Baby and Johnny.

Then there’s a verbatim remake of the original, a goofy melodrama about Baby coming of age, and a musical that stages a bunch of forgettable tunes. Not to mention a relationship drama about Baby’s parents experiencing a crossroads in their marriage. Lest we forget an interracial romance with Baby’s sister falling in love with an African American singer for the country resort, and the steamy torrid love affair between Johnny and a local middle aged resort guest (as played by Katey Segal).

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Payback Time – Triple Feature [Blu-Ray]

Mill Creek Entertainment is looking to make your summer as action packed as possible with a three bill economy blu-ray of some pretty nifty action pictures. Allowing a bang for your bucks, “Payback Time Triple Feature” garners action movie essentials that should allow for a great afternoon with popcorn and some beer. First up there’s the very good (and my personal favorite) “Blind Fury,” a solid remake of a classic “Zatoichi” movie starring Rutger Hauer as a blind Vietnam Veteran Nick Parker, who is taught the art of the sword after being rendered disabled.

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Mighty Joe Young (1998)

It’s really hard to stack up to the original “Mighty Joe Young” which itself was kind of a simpler take on the giant ape tale. While the original remains untouched, it’s really hard not to enjoy the 1998 remake by Disney and director Ron Underwood. While it can occasionally be silly, it’s still a strong new take on the original film with a great cast, great direction and still very good special effects. This new version from director Ron Underwood strays from the original which was kind of a “King Kong” riff, and transforms it more in to a tale of a woman who watches over a humongous ape named Joe. The writers aim to tackle themes about poaching and wildlife preservation within the fun adventure tale, and most times it allows for an engaging tale of friendship and love.

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The Trouble with Terkel (2017)

An animated re-release/recycling of a hit Danish animated film, “The Trouble with Terkel” was released in 2004, and rather than remake the original animated movie, this new version is re-released with a new title, and a hastily recorded American dub was slapped on to the film. There’s no update to the animation, no re-editing, or anything of the sort. 2004 feels like a whole other century ago, so it’s not surprising “The Trouble with Terkel” watches like a painfully outdated mess. It also doesn’t help that the producers kept all of the country’s background signs and whatnot. So when our characters are in the candy store buying “Sukkerfryd Slik” with “Fedt Nuder!” it’s impossible to not get pulled out of the paper thin narrative.

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5 Movies in 2016 I Liked That Everyone Else Didn’t

With movie critics getting more and more stigmatized by bitter movie studios and petty film directors, it’s a good thing to know in the end that they’re all just opinions. This year I watched so many movies, and as always, my opinion is never gospel or the final word on any film. In 2016 I managed to like a few movies that were critically destroyed and I don’t apologize for finding value in these flops. I probably won’t go out to buy them, but I won’t flip the channel if they’re ever on cable, either.

What were some movies you liked that everyone else didn’t? Let me know in the comments.

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King Kong (1976)

king-kong-1976

I’m not against contemporizing “King Kong,” but director John Guillermin shows us how to take a very simple concept like “King Kong” and completely botch it from minute one. It’s not like “King Kong” has a complex story. It’s a fairly exciting adventure about a giant monster, the woman he loves, and New York being torn to shreds by this out of place animal. Apart from being utterly abysmal, “King Kong” is also way too long, with a premise retrofitted for the seventies that stretches the limits of suspension of disbelief. For a movie about a giant ape climbing the Twin Towers, it’s sad that the whole plot to get King Kong in to New York is the most far fetched element I had difficulty buying in to.

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The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do the Time Warp Again (2016)

rockyhorror1TV is dying and the only way a lot of the networks are being able to stay relevant is by hosting a ton of live remakes of classic movies and musicals. Many of them even live. After the huge successes of productions like live “Grease” and “The Sound of Music,” FOX boldly takes on a remake of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” The latter of which is a production that’s above and beyond a cultural landmark more than a movie musical. Unlike most remakes, I didn’t have a problem with “Rocky Horror” being remade for television this year. Fans have been offering up their own interpretations since the original film became a midnight movie classic, and the movie has managed to transcend the cinematic medium and become something of a statement. I think of this remake from FOX as more of a cover song of a great original tune, and it’s hard to not enjoy this as a sweet companion piece.

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