Armageddon (1998)

One of the many aspects about filmmaking that Michael Bay never perfected is subtlety. None of his films are ever about the more quiet and inconspicuous moments in story and characterization. “Armageddon” as a whole is an often loud, bright, irritating and occasionally intrusive film that attempts to assault every inch of an audiences attention before ever managing to tell its story. It’s one of the many reasons why “Pearl Harbor” was considered a cinematic disaster. I’m horrified to fathom what would ever happen if Bay ever made a film about 9/11 or the Titanic.

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Cinema Crazed's Worst 10 of 2009

10. Pontypool
I’m one of those people who very much looked forward to “Pontypool,” and am not ashamed to admit that I was utterly disappointed with this production. It was dull as day old bread, lacked in sheer suspense and tension and sadly didn’t quite creep me out as much as its double “Dead Air” did. Not quite a zombie movie, people like to brand it as such and there aren’t even many zombies that pop up. What we get in the end is a practice in a cinematic dry humping that promises frights and never actually delivers. Seek out “Dead Air” for a nearly identical premise that works much better.

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

The voice work for the transformers is as top notch as ever with Peter Cullen taking to the character with his usual skill as well as Hugo Weaving who is just great as Megatron. Despite my problems with the movie, the massive carnage is quite impressive along with the design of the Transformers themselves who help keep the film afloat at its lowest. Despite not being the worst movie of 2007, there’s no denying that “Transformers” was a clunky mess that had zero direction and almost little appeal beyond the target demographics: 1. People looking for robot smashing and 2. Megan Fox. Both of which were vastly over sold elements with little pay off, come the climax.

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Transformers (2007)

“Transformers” has the distinction of being the first Michael Bay movie I’ve ever really looked forward to, and awaited information on, ever. Which is saying a lot considering Michael Bay is universally a terrible director who can’t create an entertaining movie to save his life. But setting aside I got over the Transformers hype a month before the release date, “Transformers” is a movie I expected to fail, and in actuality was proven wrong. As someone born in the early eighties, I caught onto the Transformers craze at the end, and grew fond of the robots in disguise, I have to say. To this day, being an animation buff and comic geek, I still have a tender spot for the robotic warriors, and felt a sense of anticipation and excitement brush over me as the film started. “Transformers” leaves nothing to the imagination.

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The Island (2005)

island

It was no surprise to me that “The Island” was dumb. It was idiotic, it was ludicrous, it was moronic, and it was every other homonym for the word stupid I can think of. It’s Michael Bay for crying out loud. I was actually looking forward to Bay’s most recent shit pile, only because it seemed to have an original concept to it, but man, whatever potential this has to be a story about life, and exploring the world beyond what we’re presented with is thrown out the window thirty minutes in, when it becomes a typical stunt show.

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Directors Ruining Hollywood

As a movie lover and one time wannabe filmmaker, I’m a picky person, and as a person who appreciates the fine are of filmmaking or what was once known as filmmaking, it’s very hard to find a good director these days in this cultural wasteland and utterly creatively challenged industry, but among the rare good visionary directors, there are plenty of bad directors whom are basically ruining the art of filmmaking under their siege. Here are a list of directors that are tarnishing filmmaking.

With this article, I ask to them, stop. Stop what you’re doing and go away.

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

In this remake — I mean “re-imagining” of the shocking cult horror classic directed by Tobe Hooper, in 1973 five teens on their way to a rock concert find themselves on a deserted road where they pick up a hitchhiker (Laura German) who seems to have been in a traumatic ordeal, when they attempt to comprehend her condition, she commits suicide. The teens attempt to seek help at a large house and wind up entering a horrifying nightmare none of them can escape. Though the film has its flaws it also has a lot of good stuff in it; the filmmakers attempt to stick this so close to the original that comedian John Larroquette who narrated the original, returns to narrate this one; it’s a great tribute. One of the biggest aspects of the original film was the shock of finding that Larroquette (who is a comedian and starred in “Night Court”) narrated such a horrifying film, and the filmmakers don’t skimp out on the fans.

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