Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984): Collector’s Edition [Blu-Ray]

I think one of the many reasons why “Silent Night, Deadly Night” has remained a cult classic is because it’s anything but a simple slasher film. While many movies in the eighties were content with maybe just a movie about a hacking and slashing Santa, “Silent Night, Deadly Night” is memorable for being so insane. It’s a wacky, weird, mean spirited and demented horror movie with hints of dark comedy sprinkled in. The tonal inconsistencies and almost rapid fire highs and lows of the narrative make it such a horror oddity that you can’t help but love it. There are just about five movies in one, and all of them are pretty entertaining in their own right.

Hell, Linnea Quigley even appears for a moment because—the eighties…?!

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Five Great Linnea Quigley Films

On May 27th, Linnea Quigley celebrated her birthday, and we thought we’d belatedly celebrate the occasion. Quigley is an iconic horror actress known by horror fanatics for her love of rock, her great sense of humor, her knack for playing appealing characters, and her incredible sex appeal. In honor of the great Quigley, here are five essential performances from her career. Though every horror fan has their favorites, this is five I quite adore.

Also be sure to re-read our interview with the horror goddess!

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Nightmare Sisters (1987) [Blu-Ray/DVD]

nightmaresistersDavid Decoteau’s “Nightmare Sisters” is the result of economic independent horror filmmaking and one of the finer artifacts of eighties horror sleaze. It three of the most iconic scream queens in movie history working together to dole out the best comedy that they can. “Nightmare Sisters” is a silly and often weird horror film that is oddly bloodless, considering it spends a shocking amount of time setting up the fact that our trio of lusty protagonists becomes man eating succubi. In either case, “Nightmare Sisters” is a kitschy bit of eighties exploitation that garners a unique history behind with DeCoteau using the remaining funds for “Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl O Rama” to complete this movie. That’s just economic and smart thinking.

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The Return of the Living Dead (1985): Collector’s Edition [Blu-Ray]

rotldIt’s not often that filmmakers strive to set themselves apart from what’s been widely embraced by the horror community and manage to properly redefine a subgenre. Before “Return of the Living Dead” fans accepted the walking dead shambled slowly toward you and ate flesh, but Dan O’Bannon transformed his zombies in to undead crack heads. Said undead crack heads bolted toward their prey like lightning, were devilishly clever, and craved human brains as a source of nourishment. Though “Return of the Living Dead” has a remarkable sense of humor and will inspire a lot of uneasy laughs from the audience, it’s through and through a creepy horror thriller about groups of people fending off undead monsters from every corner while trying to escape Kentucky as it’s ravaged by brain eating ghouls.

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You Have to See This! Nightmare Sisters (1987)

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Watching so many independent movies over the years, you can tell when a movie was made on a limited budget, and “Nightmare Sisters” shows big time. That’s not a caveat, but it is blatantly obvious that director David DeCoteau made this film as a quick shoot in a set the studio could actually afford. That only really adds to the charm of “Nightmare Sisters,” and the enduring cult appeal of the film that teamed the horror scream queen heavyweights Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer together. It’s no shock that allegedly DeCoteau made “Nightmare Sisters” with left over film and money from “Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl O Rama.”

You could literally watch the pair as a double feature and never miss a beat as their premises are similar, as are their darkly comic tones. Nerdy Melody, Marci and Mickey spend their days wiling the time away on their goofy hobbies. Anxious to go on dates, they invite the three pledges from the local frat over for a fun night, and despite their reservations the three geeky gentlemen oblige hoping to get laid. After a boring night, antique collector Marci brings out her magic orb for a fun séance. The nerdy threesome are turned in to voracious nude sex starved vixens. Little do the three frat boys know, the girls are hungry, but it’s not for sex.

“Nightmare Sisters” doesn’t take itself seriously and approaches the entire material with a stern tongue in cheek, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t supply a darn good premise with oodles of potential for a wider scope. It would have been entertaining to see the trio of vixens walking around the local college in the buff feasting on men and seducing literally everyone in to a state of amorous paralysis. But you make due with what you can and you’re thankful to see three insanely sexy and charismatic women taking the roles so over the top, they’re never afraid to be goofy.

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Quigley, Stevens, and Bauer even play nerds well, especially when the costumes and effects falter. Quigley dons a goofy set of fate buck teeth and walks hunched over awkwardly for most of the movie, Stevens dons thick glasses and primarily relies on being utterly boring, while Bauer’s shtick is the funniest, and most Politically Incorrect. “Nightmare Sisters” relies on the classic eighties device of fat shaming, as Bauer’s character is the heavy of the trio, spending her time gorging over food. It becomes comical in its horrible effect, as Bauer simply doesn’t look overweight. It’s clear the producers merely put thick clothing on Bauer and layered them atop one another to give off the impression Bauer’s character Mickey is obese.

It becomes blatantly ridiculous when we see her “fat” body over her very thin set face. But then again “Nightmare Sisters” thrives on the eighties stereotypes and never apologizes for it. Much of the first half of the movie revolves around exposition and setting up a lot of the scenarios for the future, exploring how unpopular the girls are and their discussions on how boring Marci has a fetish for collecting mysterious antiques from every corner of the country. This comes in to play in the second half when the magic ball is introduced, allowing at least some foreshadowing rather than the character just pulling the plot device out of thin air.

It’s also good to note the comedic peeks at how dull she can be when Stevens shows up dressed as a schoolgirl. There’s a heavy emphasis on Micki eating for a great reason as when she finally becomes an insanely sexy vixen, she shoves a peeled banana down her mouth and deep throats it without even missing a beat. I’m not sure if it’s great editing or if Bauer can actually pull off the trick, but it’s a damn memorable scene, and Bauer’s sex appeal increases every second she’s on screen in her home made cave girl outfit.

It also becomes plainly obvious that the comedic focus on Quigley’s character’s tone deafness will transform in to an inevitable musical number where she can suddenly belt out a tune and look amazing doing so. As predicted, Quigley commits to a performance of the excellent rock tune “Santa Monica Blvd. Boys,” which she often sang with her band The Skirts. Quigley is a born performer, and though the song has almost nothing to do with the movie’s narrative, it’s a fun diversion.

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DeCoteau knows exactly what kind of people he’s working with, so once the women transform in to deadly vixens, there are endless moments of them scampering around and desperately trying to seduce the unsuspecting frat boys that came to their party. Things take a twist when more popular frat boys kidnap the original male guests and take their place as sexual partners. This series of events goes painfully awry, as they immediately become food for the trio of succubi.

When protagonist Kevin and their friends do everything in their power to resist the sexual allure of the trio of vixens, we meet the Exorcist, a priest played by Jim Culver who also pulls off resisting their feminine wiles and adds some comic levity to the already silly events. The women make good use of their partners by feasting on their essence through their testicles, making for some of the funnier moments of terror. Just think of being with someone like Michelle Bauer only to have her dig in to you with a mouth full of sharp teeth. “Nightmare Sisters” takes from the formula of “Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl O Rama” and offers up a new kind of wish granting in the form of succubi, and there are no better people to exemplify the ideal image and allure of succubus than Michelle Bauer, Brinke Stevens, and Linnea Quigley.

Over the years, “Nightmare Sisters” has gained a cult following thanks to its rarity, but is really a testament to low budget film making. It works on a slim narrative, low budget, and little resources, but still works as a goofy, silly, and entertaining bit of horror comedy. It also has the privilege of featuring the top scream queens of the eighties starring, offering up their prime assets for the camera and devouring unsuspecting men.

Beach Babes From Beyond (1993)

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“Whoa! You’re beach babes from beyond.”
“You bet your ass, man.”

I’m a big fan of David DeCoteau’s early work with Charles Band and Full Moon, but with “Beach Babes from Beyond,” I might have finally found something of his I really dislike. It’s a nineties softcore skin flick (from Band’s softcore label Torchlight Entertainment) that feels like an eighties science fiction comedy. And when I say that it’s softcore, I mean soft. The sex scenes don’t really look like two people have sex so much as they resemble two naked people trying to climb over one another to get in to bed. Not that it matters, since there are only about three sex scenes and they’re not the highlight of the movie, mysteriously.

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Invasion of the Scream Queens (1992): 20th Anniversary Edition

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Director Donald Farmer’s “Invasion of the Scream Queens” is an interesting memento of the horror world that should be preserved for posterity. Film lovers in general seem to have a very low opinion of the scream queen and how crucial they are to horror films, while they’re a mostly undocumented period of the horror and video era. “Invasion of the Scream Queen” centers on almost a dozen beautiful scream queens, all of whom sit down with director Donald Farmer to discuss their experience in the business of horror filmmaking, and their thoughts on acting.

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Robot Ninja (1989)

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J.R. Bookwalter‘s movie about a comic book artist that becomes a superhero seems to have had a budget of fifty bucks. Because of that much of the movie’s elements are sacrificed. This includes common sense, continuity, logic, a coherent story, tolerable acting, and even the most fundamental special effects. Somewhere embedded in the seams of this nearly unwatchable farce is a good movie. But the director spends more time trying to get mileage out of the cameos by Linnea Quigley and Burt Ward, than he does trying to elicit a genuinely good narrative. Who can blame him when the movie garners a cast of terrible unknowns? I’m surprised Ron Jeremy doesn’t pop up at some point.

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