Flying Piranhas! Flying fucking piranhas! How does one mess up a film about flying piranhas?! I would love to view “Piranha II” as a film experience that’s so bad it’s good, but in reality it’s so bad that it’s actually just bad. It’s no wonder James Cameron tries to pretend he had nothing to do with this film and disowns it like a stepchild. It’s a bad movie and one that poorly takes off from the concept the 1978 film laid down. It’s a shame that a movie that completely reworks the concept of killer piranhas in to something even cheesier basically doesn’t have a clue on how to handle the creatures.
Watching “Avatar” is like watching a magic show. There’s lights, and sounds, and smoke, and hand waving and it’s mesmerizing if you watch without caution, but if you manage to go back stage and see what’s really happening, you’ll find that what show there is is all just an illusion, it’s all just razzle dazzle with an empty center. That’s what James Cameron’s phenomenon is like sitting through. An exhausting two and half hours basically amounts to nothing more than a carnival ride, an experience that’s interesting sure, but easily forgotten once you’ve decided to move on to the next light show waiting for you. I’m not one to besmirch Cameron for giving us this movie because no matter what I say the general consensus has been that American audiences and movie goers around the world have accepted it, but I’m one of the few who see behind Cameron’s smoke and mirrors and just craved more.
There’s something about shooting fish in a barrel, and if any modern equivalent of a movie which lent itself to post-modern bashing more than Avatar does, you might only have truly smug equivalents of Stepin Fetchit, and those examples are self-aware.
As if “Titanic” wasn’t worse enough, now we have to go back and re-visit it for what reason? Tell me, Mr. Cameron. He never explains to us why he’s documenting a voyage to the bottom of the sea to look at the Titanic yet again. My theory is that he’s still riding on the success from it so he milked this cow one last time, but what’s the point of this mission? Is someone going to study this and say “Yes, the titanic sure did sink after all, and even better People actually did die!” Well, thanks for reminding me, I wasn’t sure if the the titanic sinking was actually an event that happened in history or if it was fictional like the NASA launch.
10. Batman and Robin
Directed by: Joel Schumacher
Not even the Filipino and Turkish rip off s of Batman are as bad as this abomination that embraces Batman more than the previous films, but in exchange, rounds out a diasterpiece that’s unwatchable, embarrassing, and ruined the careers of nineties up and comers Chris O’Donnell and Alicia Silverstone. Only because of his connections and willingness to carve out relevant and excellent films was George Clooney able to come out of this unwatchable farce with barely a scratch. Now wholly diving in to homoerotic imagery and the like, Batman and Robin are a bickering couple of crime fighters who want to struggle for power and fame among Gotham’s citizens.
They run around in bright costumes, fighting other glittery thugs, and even have skates on their boots. What’s missing is a make out scene between Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne. To cut the inherent sexual tension between the two men, the film brings aboard two feminine personalities in the form of Batgirl and Poison Ivy, both of whom have little to do but entice the dynamic duo. “Batman and Robin” is a low in cinema and comic book adaptations that tests my endurance every time I try to sit down and watch it the entire way through.