It’s no secret what my feelings are about 2003’s “Cabin Fever.” I hate it. I despise it. If I could go back in time, I’d prevent myself from spending money on it in theaters and instead go see the mediocre “Underworld.” It’s one of the most painful movie going experiences I’ve ever endured, and I welcomed a remake. Surely, it’s disgraceful that in this day and age “Cabin Fever” has had two sequels, and a remake, while films like “Behind the Mask” are scrounging for money for a follow-up. But Hollywood is Hollywood, and people love their trash. Thankfully, 2016’s “Cabin Fever” is a superior remake, even if it is still abysmal nonsense.
With the good comes the bad, and 2015 had its fair share of awful films that left audiences and critics running for the doors. There were some films we outright refused to see this year, so you won’t see “The Human Centipede 3” on this list, nor will you be seeing “Joe Dirt 2,” either. We just will not go out of our way to watch a David Spade vehicle. We also didn’t bother with “The Cobbler.” There’s only so much Happy Madison junk we can stomach.
Bad Movies in 2015 that almost made the list includes the pure havoc Happy Madison wrought with the terrible Pixels, the brutally unfunny Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, and the absolutely unwatchable The Ridiculous 6. We almost included Johnny Depp’s terrible Mortdecai, the piss poor lazy prequel Pan, and also considered the Adam Green self love fest Digging Up the Marrow. We also considered adding the lame and dull We Are Your Friends, and seem to be one of the only five people on Earth who hated Bone Tomahawk. There were just more deserving candidates. On to the Worst of 2015…
I’m stunned it took two screenwriters and Eli Roth to write what is a remake that steals bits from “Funny Games.” This time rather than the nemeses being petulant snot nosed young guys, the villains in this instance are two gorgeous young girls. “Knock Knock” is the least incompetently made film from Roth’s ever growing film library, and that’s due to the fact that it borrows a lot from “Funny Games,” despite being an admitted remake of 1977’s “Death Game.” There isn’t the sly self awareness, but Roth and co. do eventually realize how stupid their story is and then completely ride off the rails by the second half.
You’d assume ten years in to one’s career that a filmmaker would begin to mature as a storyteller. But here we are in 2015, and Eli Roth is still telling the same story. A bunch of inept Americans go in to a foreign country and get brutally massacred. It’s the same xenophobic, sophomoric, silly slop that Roth’s been feeding audiences since “Hostel,” and he doesn’t seem intent on changing the formula any time soon. Roth at heart is still a fan boy stealing from his favorite horror movies, while directing tonally uneven and ridiculous schlock with the intent to shock first and foremost. Really, the intent is to shock and nothing else.
It’s really tough in this day and age to come up with new insight in to the mindset of the cult. Director Ti West manages to accomplish such a feat during the narrative of “The Sacrament” where he not only explores the facade of the utopian cult that many flock to, but the inherent mind set behind the structure of the cult. “Many people come here out of desperation,” explains character Sam, thus it’s apparent why community Eden Parish is able to thrive and live for so long without being disturbed. Even though many of the leaders of these cults are conmen, on occasion they’re also desperate individuals seeking isolation and a like minded civilization they can rule, or destroy in one fell swoop.
When “Hostel Part II” failed to burst from the starting gates at the box office, there was many an interesting developments. The torture fad had officially drawn to a close with “entertainment insiders” lamenting the death of said fad that polluted theaters, horror geeks worried about the fate of hardcore gore filled horror films, and Eli Roth pretty much blamed everyone but himself. He blamed the bootleggers, he blamed critics, he blamed the studio, and hell, he warned of the death of R rated horror if his film did poorly. To date, two R rated horror films have been hits in the box office. The explanation toward the lethargic pacing of “Hostel Part II” at the box office can be summed up in a short sense. It was merely a retread of the first.
Untalented hacks as Eli Roth and Larry Clarke may be, they caught on to one thing. Kids are evil little bastards, and left to their own devices and influenced by a cruel world, they get worse and worse and will do awful things to one another and to innocent victims as an old fashioned cynic who rather despises ankle biting snot nosed little punks, “Evil Little Bastards” comes to you near this Halloween season to explore and expose our favorite in little kids who are pure utter monsters. Though we excluded a few notable examples, this is our chronological cinematic favorites of monstrous little children who are merciless, murderous, and collectively harmful to the nearest adult.
Cover your Achilles tendons, arm yourselves, and glance at the Evil Little Bastards.