Dangerous Worry Dolls (2007)

dangerous-worry-dollsLife is funny. One moment you’re in prison being beaten up, the next moment you’re having a miniature skull growing out of your forehead. “Dangerous Worry Dolls” is a silly, dumb, and very unscary take on the further obsession of mini monsters doing dangerous things by Charles Band. You have to give it to the man, he always finds a way to squeeze in miniature monsters on to film and look for new and unique ways to make them villains. “Dangerous Worry Dolls” is terrible, but at least Band has a new and unique idea for making mini-monsters become the villain for a movie that looks like it was made on a budget of ten dollars.

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Killjoy 3 (2010)

killjoy-3“Killjoy 3” is a simultaneous rip off of “Waxworks” and “Nightmare on Elm Street” as Full Moon works desperately to create a new horror icon. Killjoy is a character who, let’s face it, could probably get his ass kicked by Chucky’s son Glenn, if things got hairy enough. Nothing about “Killjoy” makes too much sense, but you have to admire how the movie tries its damndest to transform mimes in to terrifying villains. Set very specifically in one location, we meet four college students as they’re preparing to have a get together one night involving drinks and horror movies in the house of one of their professors. Student Sandy decides to hold a gathering while he’s away, oblivious to the fact that he just made a broken pact with Killjoy.

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Killjoy’s Psycho Circus (2016)

killjoys-psycho-circusFull Moon sinks deeper in to pseudo-Troma territory by delivering another installment of “Killjoy’s Psycho Circus.” If you’re prepared for a movie that has literally no plot but spends ninety minutes advertising its product tie-ins, then you might enjoy what’s on display here. During Killjoy’s demented TV show, there’s an ad featuring the characters from “Evil Bong,” and the movie literally stops to promote the “Adam and Eve” website. They even bring on a model to talk to Killjoy to promote their products. I’ve heard of product placement before, but I’ve never seen a movie so lazy that it literally stops in its tracks to promote a product for a company.

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Meridian (1990)

meridian-movieLet’s face it: “Meridian” is only a Full Moon classic because it has the insanely sexy Sherilyn Fenn being all nude and scantily clad and whatnot. Co-star Charlie Spradling even has her change to unclothe as we’re given full view of her breasts during a surreal scene involving a party with a bunch of supernatural gypsies. “Meridian” watches like a really sluggish two dollar romance novel from a super market, where the author tried really hard to appeal to the horror audience, but failed big time. “Meridian” has a ton of beast on woman sex scenes, all of which are slow motion, to boot. One scene in particular bears a shocking similarity to the one in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” where Dracula rapes Mina’s sister Lucy.

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Dark Angel: The Ascent (1994)

darkangel-theascentFull Moon offers their take on “Innocent Blood” with the tale of a vigilante demon and her hapless doctor boyfriend who proceeds to fall in love with her despite her demonic underpinnings. Angela Featherstone is insanely sexy as Veronica, a young demon who hangs out in hell sorting out sinning souls with her father, a dutiful monster who wants her to step in line and follow his orders. Veronica is restless though, and seeks to visit the Earth realm to see what it looks like. After fighting with her father once more, she escapes with her loyal German Shepherd to the outer world. There, she discovers the world isn’t that different from hell, save for the fact that the sinners and pure evil are able to hide among the civilized, rather than be punished.

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Evil Bong High-5 (2016)

high5Do you see what happens when you let interns make a movie with petty cash on the weekends? You come up with “Evil Bong High-5.” It’s a stoner movie that’s so bad even stoners will eventually shut it off because it’s destroying their high. At only seventy minutes long, this is a movie that literally stops dead in its tracks in order to advertise the company’s brand of painfully unfunny ethnic stereotype dolls. One of the many sequels apparently breaking even enough for another installment, Eebee the Evil Bong is back and she’s just as mean as ever. Now that she’s trapped a small group of people in The Bong World, alongside the Gingerdead Man, they have to figure out a way home.

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Lurking Fear (1994)

lurkingfear-1994Courtney Joyner’s “Lurking Fear” is classic Full Moon Entertainment from the nineties. It has a modicum of a budget, some great production value and a solid horror story. Thought it’s a loose adaptation of the HP Lovecraft tale, it does take the elements and combine them to form a classic folklore horror tale about greed and criminals getting their comeuppance. John Martenses is an ex convict who has just been released from prison and is seeking a new start. As well as the fortune apparently left behind by his family.

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Prehysteria! 3 (1995)

Prehysteria3

I’m not sure who is to blame for this film, but this is a terrible way to close out the “Prehysteria!” series. What began as a novel movie turns in to a piss poor series of kids films with diminishing returns thanks to the budget that gets lower and lower with every film. The original family that discovered the small dinosaurs must not have loved these animals too much, as when the third film opens, they’re once again being cared for by the eccentric old man from the second film who proceeds to lose them once again.

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