Kiss Kiss (2019)

I knew I was in trouble with “Kiss Kiss” when twenty minutes in, the film had shifted to its third musical montage involving our female characters. “Kiss Kiss” is not only incredibly silly, but insanely boring to the point where I shut it down once the credits showed. I didn’t even want to soak in what was basically just an excuse to show women bouncing around and inflicting pain on one another for ninety excruciating minutes.

Erotic dancers Kiss, Treasure, Kurious and new dancer Tia are anxious to unwind after a hard week stripping. After getting a gift certificate for a wine tasting tour the bubble headed brigade end up touring a farm and drinking themselves in to a stupor. They awaken the next morning to learn they’ve been drugged and that they’re being used as test subjects for a military experiment. Forced to do battle with one another to the death, leader Kiss has to figure a way out as her friends fall victim to the hand to hand combat.

“Kiss Kiss” is awful, it comes off like a low-fi remake of the infinitely superior “Raze,” that manages to feel so much more exploitative and never as brutal. I don’t know how you can base your entire film around the promise of women going toe to toe, then film all of your fights in slow motion with quick cuts. Along with the shoddy choreography, and sloppy editing, there are also the terrible performances from the entire cast, all of whom vary from wooden to incredibly over the top. Not a single woman manages to deliver something of an empathetic portrayal of their thinly drawn characters, but Robert Wagner is the highlight.

As Gibson, the millionaire/military industrialist (?), he’s so over the top and cheesy it dips back and forth from cheesy to painful. Yes, the women are beautiful, but once “Kiss Kiss” gets in to the thick of its ridiculous narrative, I was continuously distracted. Why experiment on strippers? Why women? Why normal American citizens? What is Gibson trying to prove to his buyers by making women fight one another to the death? Who invented the super soldier serum? What are its potential uses? Why do the girls put on war make up and glitter just to fight to the death in a top secret ring? “Kiss Kiss” watches like goofy late night cable softcore erotica, and it’s a shame as the premise has oodles of potential to be great. In the end, you’re just better off with some MMA.

Now on various VOD platforms; will be on DVD on May 14th.