It’s Valentine’s Day, and it’s no problem if you choose not to celebrate this holiday. It’s not even really a holiday, its more an excuse to make single people feel bad, and couples feel guilty about not picking up a box of cheap candy or a lame card from the local pharmacy. What, me bitter? No! I’m not bitter at all. In honor of the holiday, here are five of some of my favorite crazy movie sex scenes of all time.
Let Me Know Some of Your Favorites in the Comments!
5. Siren In the Nest
This is a recent film, but nonetheless goddamn is this sex scene one of the nuttiest ever depicted. If at the end of VHS you were wondering what happened to the poor bastard who is carried away by the siren in the end, the film adaptation “Siren” shows you in gruesome detail. Not only does Siren have an insatiable appetite for sex, but she enjoys a nice rough, occasionally deadly romp in her nest, followed by some scratching with her talons. If that’s not enough, she’s prone to injecting her tail in to her mate’s rectum, probably to induce blood flow in the penis. You know what, I’m over thinking this.
4. Alien Sex
Evil Aliens (2005)
Character Gavin has a fantasy of having sex with an alien, and after being attacked by the violent evil aliens, Gavin is captured. Much to his shock, he’s approached by a big breasted female alien with horns for nipples, and rather than murdering him she proceeds to have some rough play time with him. Gavin takes full advantage of the situation and the scene is deliriously surreal.
3. Love the Mutant You’re With
The mutant Dren is a curious new species who has all the trademarks of a genetically spliced animal, including the animal allure. Despite raising her as their own, scientists Elsa and Clive have a different kind of goal for her and go down dark roads of their own. With the rapidly aging Dren, Clive begins to form an odd sexual attraction to Dren once she reaches adulthood, prompting a very awkward sex scene with Clive indulging in a moment of weakness with his creation who takes advantage of his vulnerability.
2. Animated Sex Montage
Black Dynamite (2009)
Throughout the entirety of “Black Dynamite,” the titular hero and his funky sexy female sidekick Gloria, as played by Salli Richardson, have a palpable sexual chemistry. Channeling the classic blaxploitation movies of the grindhouse era, “Black Dynamite” garners two heroes with an undeniable sexual friction and by the end of the movie, they engage in love making. But seeing as the movie is limited in its budget, the filmmakers go overboard while embracing the limitations. Dynamite and Gloria have sex as visualized through an animated montage, and they have sex in every sexual position mimicking the zodiac. It’s out of left field, and incredibly funny.
1. Marionette Sex
Team America: World Police (2004)
Trey Parker and Matt Stone experienced no end of trouble from the studios and the MPAA for making an action movie with marionettes that was completely R rated and skewered Hollywood. One of their biggest struggles involved a hardcore sex scene involving the two marionette heroes Gary and Lisa. The pair decided to film a very graphic scene between both puppets, and the MPAA was about ready to slap an NC-17 rating on the movie for their odd guidelines. Parker and Stone eventually cut it down but what we got on film was hilariously graphic. The uncut version is even more raucously funny and weird.