Sadly, ever since “Love Actually” became a standard of the holiday, Hollywood has enlisted hokey melodrama director Garry Marshall to give us a new holiday based ensemble piece of garbage almost every year. “Mother’s Day” is the latest insidious melodrama about a group of very rich, very healthy Caucasian people bickering about how hard their lives are. One character played by Jennifer Aniston, even decides to throw a humongous party for her sons, just because. Man, can you imagine what would happen if these people ever stepped out of their bubbles? “Mother’s Day” is about mother’s day, the mother of all holidays, everyone seems to be obsessed with mother’s day, and they talk about mother’s day because, mothers!
There are even a bunch of scenes of moms in parks playing with their kids in—I assume—is a land where fathers don’t exist? Marshall packs in a humongous ensemble cast of usually talented actors to turn in shrill, obnoxious performances. They play self pitying characters that do nothing but run around complaining and moaning, while sitting in their large houses with massive pools, humongous backyards, and scenic patios! Jennifer Aniston plays Sandy, a woman who broke up with her husband Henry, and is shocked to learn he’s eloped with his much younger bride Tina! And he’s intent on getting her in good with their sons, despite her best attempts to win their attention. Meanwhile, Jason Sudeikis is Bradley, a grieving widower whose wife died in combat. He’s losing touch of his ever precocious daughters, one of whom is becoming a teenager and falling in love with a boy with a car.
Gadzooks. The goofiest plot of all involves Kate Hudson and Sarah Chalke as Jesse and Gabi, both of whom moved away from their parents to pursue their lifestyles. Gabi and Jesse’s parents are very conservative Southerners oblivious that their oldest, played by Hudson is married to an Indian man (Aasif Mandvi) and has a child with him, while Chalke’s character is gay and married to her partner (Cameron Esposito who is charming, at least). She also has a kid. Now with both parents popping up for mother’s day, they’re stuck in their house and forced to deal with their prejudices. Gee, will they soften up to their new family by the end of the movie? Meanwhile, there’s Julia Roberts who shows up as a jewelry mogul and TV personality, and Hector Elizondo who also shows up once again to spout chestnuts of wisdom to lost characters.
The script is painfully awful. Everything in the film is so low stakes and trite, that nothing ever lands and hits an emotional chord. One scene of Aniston’s asthmatic son getting a terrible attack has absolutely zero tension, and a scene of Sudeikis watching an old video of his wife singing karaoke in front of her army buddies is so poorly filmed. What should have been a heartbreaking moment, ends up so irredeemably cheesy. Poor Jennifer Garner who cameos, even comes out looking cornball. To prove how unbelievably dumb the writers think the audience is, after Sudeikis watches the video of his wife singing karaoke, his daughter enters the room and declares, “She really loved karaoke. Remember?” Yes. We, uh—just caught on to that fact a few seconds ago.
There’s no weight, no complexity, and Marshall has nothing meaningful or poetic to say about this holiday or moms, in general. It’s just a movie to make money off of Hallmark cards, and candy, and will probably be sold in Walmarts for a buck in a few years. “Mother’s Day” is just a steaming hot bag of movie dung. It’s trite, it’s dumb, it’s woefully unpleasant, it’s racist, and it’s a shame this is the note Garry Marshall has to go out on. Featured in the Blu-Ray release is a digital copy for consumers. There are five minutes of deleted scenes with the titles “America the Beautiful,” “Big Tipper,” “Miranda’s Travel Set,” “Zack Changes Diaper During Standup,” “Rachel Driving,” and “Bradley Buys Pizza for the Ref.” Finally, there’s a nearly ten minute gag reel.