Evil Bong High-5 (2016)

high5Do you see what happens when you let interns make a movie with petty cash on the weekends? You come up with “Evil Bong High-5.” It’s a stoner movie that’s so bad even stoners will eventually shut it off because it’s destroying their high. At only seventy minutes long, this is a movie that literally stops dead in its tracks in order to advertise the company’s brand of painfully unfunny ethnic stereotype dolls. One of the many sequels apparently breaking even enough for another installment, Eebee the Evil Bong is back and she’s just as mean as ever. Now that she’s trapped a small group of people in The Bong World, alongside the Gingerdead Man, they have to figure out a way home.

That is if they can stop smoking weed long enough to think of a plan. They turn to older stoner Rabbit, who has figured out a method of zen thinking that can allow him to leave her realm, but Eebee catches on making a deal. She sends two of her prisoners in to the real world to sell her line of potent weed, all the while keeping her female prisoners tied down by two busty stoner chicks. They’re there to get naked and look sexy. And that’s about it. “High-5” is only seventy minutes in length and literally has no narrative. It’s just a lot of really awful stoner jokes and hemp puns. All followed up with a ton of small comedy skits involving our protagonists Rabbit and Larnell, as they try to sell weed to assorted goofy and ridiculous customers that so happen to walk in to the store.

This includes a flamboyantly gay man, and a trio of trailer park trash stoners, all of whom happen to be the newest line of “Badass Dolls” for Full Moon. Virtually critic proof in design, “High-5” is a colossal waste of time, and one that insists on trotting out the studio’s insanely dumb mascot Hambo. But he is also a doll, too! So buy it, mmkay?! In either case, you can at least admire the sights while you’re zoning out. There’s some terrible green screen, really hot women, lame puppetry, and the horrifying notion that someone might actually have a “Butt Pirate” doll sitting on their office desk as we speak. I shudder.

On DVD from Amazon and Full Moon Direct June 22nd.