In the late eighties, all of the nineties, and some of the early aughts, comic books were our number one hobby. We collected literally every comic that drew our interest. Over the years, especially in the nineties, many of the major comic book companies attempted to draw in new readers by changing the costumes of some of their major superheroes and super villains. If that wasn’t bad enough, for a very long time, many of the live action efforts for superhero movies often got the superhero costumes so painfully wrong, that it was almost tough to admit to anyone that you were a fan of comic books. Over the years, superheroes have undergone a lot of major changes to their costumes in many platforms, and these are five of the worst that we just can’t get over.
Tech Punisher – Spider-Man: The Animated Series
Marvel has been trying to turn their violent heroes in to kid friendly crap for decades. One of the worst acts of betrayal was in the 90’s, when they turned Punisher in to a Tech hero who was not only completely committed to his laser weapons, but also didn’t believe in murdering or killing. Armed with a lot of tech crap, he’s assigned with finding and capturing Spider-Man when he becomes a Spider Monster. Since the series was so censored it was comical, the Punisher couldn’t have actual weapons, couldn’t kill, couldn’t hurt, and his back story doesn’t even mention the death of his family. The series is so censored I’m surprised they featured his white skull at all. Skulls are scary!
Steel – Steel (1997)
Steel began life as Henry Irons, a retired weapons developer saved by Superman during his final fight with Doomsday. When Superman died, Henry took on the mantle of Steel and donned the Superman S and his red cape as a tribute to fill the gap left behind. I can see why DC would want to stray from Superman to build their own series, but couldn’t there have been a middle ground somewhere? It’s not hard to convince us a metallic suit is capable of flight, stealth, and dynamic feats. Look at the “Iron Man” movies, but clearly the “Steel” movie was engineered by a bunch of morons. Steel only has a half helmet that reveals his face, and the suit just looks clunky and god awful on-screen. It’s difficult to believe a seven foot tall large man in a very heavy Steel suit can move his legs let alone fight crime.
Captain America TV Movie (1979)
Yes, Steve Roger in the 1979 adaptation of Captain America is one big bull seye. Correction: He’s one big bulls eye the bad guys can barely shoot because they’re probably too busy laughing at his Disco-centric/Evil Knievel re-design that’s such an embarrassment, even to this day. Rogers has a tinted pair of goggles, a skin tight costume that looks like it was modeled after Bike tassels, and a huge clunky biker helmet painted to look like Captain America’s helmet. If that’s not enough, his shield is really just a windshield for his magic motorcycle that can detach to become a shield. Picking this one apart is much too easy these days, but then the 70’s weren’t a good time for live action superheroes. Flint Ironstag!
Everyone in The Schumacher Batman Movies
Schumacher re-invented literally everyone in the Batman movies once he seized control from Tim Burton. Two Face and the sexual orientation ambiguous Riddler look like they’re about to perform in a Gay burlesque show, Robin is a horribly dull burgundy and green with an emphasis on his crotch, Batman and Robins costumes were designed to emphasize their nipples, crotch, and buttocks. In “Batman and Robin,” the emphasis on their privates are still there, while the villainous Poison Ivy looks like a Drag Queen, and Mr. Freeze is so bulky he can barely run in his outfit.
To add insult to injury, when Batgirl makes an appearance, every Bat element is pushed aside in favor of a small mask, while the Superhero team are given silver highlights in major parts of their costumes. I was always told that Batman wore the yellow Bat Insignia to give criminals something to fire at as a distraction. Highlighting the face, abs, chest, crotch and legs in shiny silver is idiotic beyond comprehension. Man, 1997 was a bad year for superheroes.
Who in the hell was Pitof’s “Catwoman” even made for? Who would find it appealing? The movie is an unwatchable abomination, but Catwoman’s outfit is so stupid, not even the most graceful and coordinated warrior can do combat in it. It’s skin tight, torn, she has high heels, and a badly designed mask. Catwoman seemed like a vain attempt to market on the legions of sex crazed Halle Berry fans, and thank goodness it failed spectacularly. I’ll take any other iteration of the Catwoman costume over this, anyday. Even the robotic costume.
Dazzler – She didn’t change costumes, we just really hate Dazzler. Lamest superhero ever created. Next to Supergirl.