It’s strange. Even with the involvement of the ever charming Tom Hanks as the director and writer, and a film that features him as a prominent supporting character amidst a slew of up and coming young stars (including Charlize Theron), “That Thing You Do!” is still just an average movie. It’s simply nineties mediocrity. It’s never a remarkable musical comedy, nor is it abysmal. It’s merely a movie you watch and never plan to re-visit again unless you’re absolutely bored.
If you’re going to crib from Stephen King’s “Stand By Me,” then you’d better do a good job of re-tooling it. Thankfully, and miraculously, David M. Evans directs one of the best coming of age dramedies in cinematic history. “The Sandlot” is a film that takes the “Stand By Me” premise and adds a baseball-centric theme to the story that becomes the crux of everything the film is built on. It’s the reason characters are able to connect, it saves characters from immediate danger, and it’s the macguffin for the entire movie. “The Sandlot” thankfully doesn’t shove the baseball Americana themes down the audiences throat, but instead focuses on the characters featured in the film as actual characters with complexities and flaws that decide whether they succeed or not.
Mill Creek delivers a dozen family friendly films for anyone looking to wile away a weekend on light G rated television movie fare, for a low price. “The Best Bad Thing” features George Takei about a young girl named Rinko who discovers the nature of her Japanese heritage during the depression. Never quite feeling American or Japanese enough, she learns about her culture and comes of age and her culture. “Bonjour Timothy” about a young boy named Timothy who is tasked with hosting a foreign exchange student named Michael.
When Michael actually turns out to be an attractive girl, Timothy vies for her affection, along with other boys. “Both Sides of the Law” centers on two twelve year old boys from the inner city who have to pick the paths of their lives, one leading to crime, while the other leads to a law abiding fate. As both grow apart, they slowly become bitter enemies.
When I was a kid, “Moonwalker” was on constant rotation on our VCR and for ninety minutes, it kept me and my brother quiet and out of my mom’s hair. As brothers prone to fighting and bickering, movies are what usually kept us shut, especially since we couldn’t even afford basic cable back then. Around the time “Moonwalker” came to VHS, we knew perfectly clear that the movie itself was nothing but a promotional tool for Michael Jackson.
Back then, Jackson ruled the world and was considered the most iconic person on the face of the Earth. He was pretty much a God, so we didn’t care that the VHS was just nothing but a commercial for Jackson’s incredible abilities, we just wanted Michael Jackson. Pretty much in the same way we didn’t care “Kriss Kross: Jump” or “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Making of the Coming Out of Their Shells Tour” were just tapes intent on promoting a product, we didn’t care” Moonwalker” was just for Michael Jackson’s publicity team. It was our fix of the popular Jackson, and we loved it.
What is Uwe Boll’s obsession with the holocaust? First he sets this new “Bloodrayne” snore fest in the holocaust and has the gall to try for his own Holocaust documentary. This from the man who created “Blubberella.” In any consolation Natassia Malthe is still very sexy as Rayne and has the same charisma as the former Rayne Kristanna Loken, never missing a beat. Rayne still looks like a hardcore cosplayer lost in a time warp, though. So in the midst of soldiers and World War II, she looks incredibly out of place. Where does she get all of that leather?
Yeah, this is why studios didn’t take comic book movie seriously for a very long time. “Tank Girl” is god awful. I’m aware her comic is very popular, and Tank Girl the character is considered something of a feminist icon of a sorts, but “Tank Girl” is swill. It’s bottom feeding swill. It tries to exude this sense of hipness and edge, but instead feels like it doesn’t take the material seriously. Lori Petty (who has the charm of a spastic Ritalin addict) attempts to play the sexually ambiguous Tank Girl as tongue in cheek but she just comes off as a clown who has no grasp on the material.
I quite like the premise of “Hell Comes to Hollywood.” Create a short horror story that in some way involves Hollywoodland and its devices. In that general framework, Eric Miller’s compendium of various horror stories from a cadre of actual Hollywood screenwriters and television writers makes Hollywood feel so bleak and hopeless. There are no happy endings in any of the stories presented here, and thankfully there isn’t a bad story to be read either.
The stories here range from forgettable to really damn good. Even the worst story is really just a groaner that will inspire you to quickly flip to the next story hoping for the best. Most of “Hell Comes to Hollywood” does tend to fall in to the trappings of monotony most times, which is a caveat. The writers base their stories on vapid shallow human beings or the horrors of the movie studio system, and there’s never really anything that breaks out from the pair of themes. Sometimes they collide in the most unusual ways.