Who knows why a movie about the lone ranger from hell flopped in 2011? No one will ever know. I attribute it to the lack of big name draw and exhaustion with Nic Cage from general movie audiences, but nevertheless, “Drive Angry” is an ambitious and admirably raucous grindhouse throwback that takes the battle of heaven and hell and brings it to planet Earth where a dad comes back from hell to keep his daughter from going to the stomping grounds of Satan. “Drive Angry” is a movie that… well, it’s a movie. It’s a movie that is there and it has no idea who the hell it’s supposed to be marketed to.
It’s a horror action grindhouse satanic fantasy with shades of “Ghost Rider” and Nicolas Cage resembling a drugged up country singer from a crokey okey bar impersonating Bob Dylan who does nothing in the movie but warble dialogue with his marble mouthed delivery while Amber Heard picks up the slack as his ward who is sexy but not at all as interesting as the script begs us to believe she is. “Drive Angry” is an ugly and loud movie, and one that I couldn’t even enjoy no matter how hard I tried. It’s hopelessly convoluted, and lacking in any logic, it’s a movie that shouldn’t be so complicated, but it takes itself much too seriously to simplify the story and make it easier for audiences to understand. That is if it understood who it was appealing to. Dialogue is much too stupid to even be considered comical and most times the script can never seem to decide if we should take certain lines seriously or not.
“What the fuck kind of gun is that?” asks Piper. “The kind of gun made for guys like that,” Milton mumbles. Do we… laugh or reel in our seats from Nic Cage delivering a patented one-liner for the cool crowds? When the film does finally garner a firm grasp on its intent mid-way through all the deafening gun fire and endless car explosions, it manages to be a somewhat creative little trash fest with takes on satanic cults, and Armageddon, but it doesn’t take full advantage of the fun it can have with the material it spouts from its cinematic crevices. Instead it just touts nothing but explosions and hellfire at us from every corner and fails to deliver on even a scant note as a trashy throwback.
“Drive Angry” is one of the worst films of 2011, and one I’m especially angry to deem as such, since my hopes were high from minute one and dashed by its abysmal delivery. I love grindhouse throwbacks, I really do. I just wish the big studios would get it right for once. “Drive Angry” is a loud, pointless, and ugly film and one that is never sure what genre it’s in, where it’s headed, or who it’s even trying to appeal to. If one is wondering why this tanked at the 2011 box office, one need look no further than the actual damn movie.