There is a planet of hot women out there. They want sperm. And they’re coming to Earth for some men who have sperm. Unfortunately where they’re from men are rare, and their race may wither and die without man seed. There’s your plot for “2069” a sex comedy that’s about as stupid but arousing as all of the other porn parodies of the sixties and seventies. True, I refer to it as a porn parody primarily because of its title, but in reality it’s not even a slight spoof on Kubrick’s classic film. It merely borrows the title for the excuse to implement the 69 and is a pretty tame softcore porn and sex comedy that sets down on a group of alien women who happen down on Earth to abduct and sex up a bunch of hapless men to revive their society. What confounds me is how was their planet originally able to reproduce without men around? And are these women hoarding sperm for their planet or are they hoping to become pregnant on their own?
Like most sex comedies of this ilk, it’s wrought with double entendres and innuendo aplenty. One girl marvels at a man sucking noticing his ability to kiss a woman, and the alien women even have a diagram of a naked man in their ship just to get a good idea of where peg A goes in to slot B. The Venusians land on the snowy tundra along farms and working class locales and manage to conveniently steal clothing from local shops and closets that fit them and provide the guise of a normal hot horny woman desperate for a man’s love. Every man in this film is either a buffoon or a pervert, prone to molesting women and ogling them hungrily, and the misadventures of the venusians is on par with your typical early seventies sex comedy/softcore porn. This is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, as it takes baffling detours in to the absurd that detracts from the overall scandalous sexuality it promotes in the opening.
There’s a long drawn out slapstick scene involving skiiers, a gag about a man’s bare butt that met a pitchfork, and you can sense the women donning the thin alien costumes are freezing their German assess off. But there are some genuinely funny one-liners like one man’s reaction when a sperm sucker is attached to his crotch to which he replies, “I’ve never had machine head!” Of course the alien women from Venus learn from the men of this planet that sex can be a marvelous practice that doesn’t have to be so technical and cold, and this provides some arousing scenes from the Venusian women enjoying some good old fashioned shagging and cunnilingus. And it’s rare you’ll find a movie where a man describes his penis as “a flute that plays magical music.”
The sex inevitably turns the Venusian women in to sex pots, all of whom indulge in sexual acts that provide the best material including a girl on girl moment in the space ship and a man’s intense speech about sausage while getting blown under a table in a restaurant. “2069” sadly ends on a giant thud wasting what could have been an above average sex comedy and porno, and it’s surely one of the lesser titles of the sub-genre. Georg Tressler’s “2069” definitely has a chance to be one of the funnier and entertaining of its sub-genre, but it’s a rather flat and tedious little title with the occasional sharp one-liner and double entendre that’s lost in the weight of its own lazily slapped together production.