Bikini Bloodbath Carwash (2008)

bikini_bloodbath_carwashMrs. Johnson: Nice erection, Todd.
Todd: Thanks. You too!

Sitting down to watch “Bikini Bloodbath Carwash” made me grin from ear to ear in only the first five minutes as it was clear the directing team of Jonathan Gorman and Thomas Edward Seymour knew what they were doing. There’s no backstory, no complexity, no undertones, it’s just all out ridiculous horror fun, and I loved it. I always say that I don’t mind stupidity as long as there’s some substance behind it, and the sequel to “Bikini Bloodbath” starts out on all the right notes. Two girls we’ve never met get up from bed, dance around in their underwear, one of whom takes a while to put on her top, they dance and jiggle, the directors put up the title in a very creative manner and we see “Written and Directed by Who the Fuck Cares.” I mean… that’s great. It just is. That’s stupid, but it’s stupid as a fox.

Looking at the opening made me want to give these two clowns a 1980’s high five. Seymour and Gorman are obviously bright creative folks who know how to handle stupidity and not make its audience feel like morons, and you just have to love how they begin the movie with a bonerific sequence. It’s further supported by the fact that a professor commends the girls on the dancing that morning. How did he know about that? Who the fuck cares? It’s funny! And from there on in there’s… poor professor Shipwreck getting a football to the nuts, college students walking around with shirts that says “College Student,” a really hot girl who is inexplicably made fun of for her weight, redundant dialogue that goes nowhere, sexual innuendos by the tons, and it just gets so much better.

The girls of the college are hoping to make money by hosting their own carwash and things go awry when Chef Death appears yet again from beyond the grave… for some reason, to slaughter these gorgeous young women. But before that we sit through a perverted doctor who keeps destroying his car to get carwashes, a group of college guys who stage a cringe inducing, ridiculous but absolutely brilliant break dancing show to impress them (and it works!), and the gorgeous Debbie Rochon engages in a fully choreographed spoof of “Beat It” with a rival of hers and… more jiggling and wiggling from the mostly female cast. There are over two dozen scenes in here that had me in tears in spite of the fact that I kept thinking “What was the point of that, exactly?”

There’s one scene where the head jock stands with his friends guzzling a bottle of liquor in front of the girls, and Seymour holds the shot for almost four minutes and it’s just so inane that it’ll leave you in hysterics, and I also enjoyed the gag from the head jock who throws a football at someone every time he enters a room. There’s even subtle comedy including one where Todd’s friend interrupts his session with Jenny in the hot tub where he just causes the tub to overflow and begins splashing around like a child. It’s scenes like that that left me crying with laughter. Much like the first film, once the party starts, the story goes on a series of montages involving hot girls dancing non-stop and guys making fools out of themselves while Chef Death proceeds to take down one character after another in the most disgusting ways imaginable–including one instance involving a nipple that made me nauseous.

I’m still trying find out who paid for his funeral if he was undead in the first place–ooh, Rachel Robbins is dancing! Anyway, I mean why would he be buried with his cleavers if he was evil–Debbie Rochon is groping one of the girls! Where was I? Nevertheless, you just cannot help but enjoy this, because it’s not trying to be high art… and yet, it’s smarter than most horror comedies out there in the market with just a shameless array of sex jokes, and shockingly original gags that make this a breeze to sit through; fans of Troma, eighties horror, boobs, hot women, boobs, and comedy need apply. This is horror comedy you can get behind, and trust me I wanted to get behind a lot of the cast members in this sequel. “Bikini Bloodbath Carwash” is a notch above its original with a story that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but it really doesn’t matter because I was too busy laughing most of the time to even give a crap. Almost a spoof of horror comedies, “Bikini Bloodbath Carwash” is the film you’ll want to see if you want gore, hot women, and gags that are just hysterical.