I know someone in Hollywood got a hold of a concept for a video game called “Crank,” and thought that this was too good to be some stupid old video game. So, they made it into a movie. Because “Crank” is essentially set up like a video game. Our hero gets up, watches a video that lays out the plot, and now he has to find the people who wronged him. In order to stop the poison, get epinephrine.
Level two: Get Epinephrine. Find the villain’s brother.
Level three: Find him and fight him. Keep your heart rate up.
Level Four: Steal a police cycle and drive as fast as you can before your heart slows down; avoid pedestrians and environment. The mob is after you now that you’re alive and may go after your girlfriend.
Level Five: Get your girlfriend out of her apartment, without getting her killed.
It’s blatant, and ridiculous, and formulaic, but I had a good time. “Crank” is very much like “Speed” except with a human body as a bomb. Chevy has just awoken to discover his body has been injected by a rival gang with a poison that, if his heart stops beating fast, will kill him. This is not only the plot, but it gives the movie an excuse to be fast paced and without much characterization. “Crank” is so bad that it’s good, and that’s because of Statham’s entertaining turn as a mobster who just had the worst revenge committed on him. What do you not do to get back at a psychotic mobster? Fill him with adrenaline.
And that’s the worst mistake his rivals commit when they pump him with a poison that will kill him if he doesn’t keep going. And most of the film is Chevy’s journey to keep his heart pumping, and boy do the methods get creative! “Crank” doesn’t have much of a plot, it’s merely just a sequence of events that resemble a plot in which our hero Chevy must roam around the city causing rampage to keep his heart beating, and in turn it helps him live his life, and face what might happen if he doesn’t get the antidote… if there is one.
Statham seems to be having a good time kicking ass and destroying property, while the direction from Mark Neveldine, and Brian Taylor is utterly chaotic. The direction never calms down because the movie never calms down and brings about some utterly hilarious situations that you’ll get a kick out of, if you don’t put too much stock into what you’re watching. I had a blast at this good bad film, and Statham comes through once again. Statham’s newest is possibly one of the worst, but one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time. It’s trashy, gory, gratuitous, ridiculous, completely far-fetched, and I had a smile on my face the entire time.