My First Wedding (2004)

1279117456_f0af2e85-0edf-4b57-ac96-acd9726bcc08“My First Wedding” is basically a neo-eighties rom com plus incredible fluff based around quirky mix-ups and goofy situations that basically could have been set in the time of sex crazed comedies. A nymphomaniac arrives at a church one day to repair a confessional, and a seemingly gorgeous girl crashes in to confess her sins while he listens anxiously and decides he’s going to pursue her. Enter hilarious situations including awfully gullible characters. Where’s Mr. Roper? But then, that’s the fun of watching “My First Wedding” because it’s basically two nymphos courting each other, with pretty humorous situations involving a wedding party in which Doughty is forced to improvise about his knowledge of the bible, and it’s rather humorous watching him trying to get his way by pretending to be a priest.

But what “My First Wedding” has going for it ultimately proves to be its failing points. Because while it has the potential to take its situations and create one funny film, it really just plods along with an embarrassing tone. When it’s not throwing softball gags at us, it’s being unfunny, and when it’s not being unfunny, it’s hard to sit through because then it tries to force the comedy down our throats. Particularly through Doughty whose comedic timing is dreadful, and character unlikable, as he tries to sabotage the girl he’s in love with’s wedding, while she whines and tries to avoid his pursuits.

“My First Wedding” is a weak romance comedy that never inspires anything resembling laughs or sympathy with boring characterization, and a weak story based around the same formula we’ve seen in romantic comedies for decades. Most of all we’re with characters whom are insipid vapid morons who stagger around without anything resembling personality. Our hero Nick is boring and obnoxious while the girl he longs for is hot, but the writer never gives us a reason for these two to actually be in love. But I can see why he’s in love with her. She’s gullible, dumb, vapid, self-centered, and… why is he in love with her again? His attraction towards her is hard to believe, as is her mysterious lust for sex which is explained in an utterly stupid plot device (She wants sex because she has “herediterial” lust?

Isn’t that called nymphomania… or just being normal?) Seriously, of all romances, I’m not sure why the hot airhead had to be the love interest, and Vanessa is that very character. Meanwhile, their romance is awfully forced onto us with utterly weak comedy involving possession, charades, and flat dialogue. And when it’s not trying to be funny, it’s pretty damn boring, but we’re never given a reason to find interest. I wanted to like this, but I could never get past feeling as if it should have been on a family channel on basic cable. In spite of occasional bright spots of hilarity here and there, “My First Wedding” is a very weak unfunny comedy along the lines of the type of quality and realism you’d find on a basic cable channel. Even with the utterly gorgeous Cooke, this film stinks.