As a movie lover and one time wannabe filmmaker, I’m a picky person, and as a person who appreciates the fine are of filmmaking or what was once known as filmmaking, it’s very hard to find a good director these days in this cultural wasteland and utterly creatively challenged industry, but among the rare good visionary directors, there are plenty of bad directors whom are basically ruining the art of filmmaking under their siege. Here are a list of directors that are tarnishing filmmaking.
With this article, I ask to them, stop. Stop what you’re doing and go away.
Yes, you read right. I’m probably going to get a lot of flack for this, but fuck it, Lucas is ruining moviemaking. Why? Well, simply because he perpetuates the image of money hungry director in Hollywood whom only seeks self-gratification without thinking about his art or his fans. This guy doesn’t care about his fan base, he only seeks to satisfy his own indulgences and make as much money on his franchise as he can while relentlessly sucking the soul from its story. Hey, I’m a hardcore Star Wars fan, I’m a star wars geek, but there’s no doubt this man is seeking to suck as much blood from the star wars franchise as possible. I had no problem with the re-releases, but then his plans of intersecting the prequels with the original trilogy to connect further just confirmed my belief this man is so utterly oblivious as to what a good director is or does.
I had no problem with the minor changes, but when he butchered them for his DVD release, then he went too far, inserting Hayden Christensen in the end of Return of the Jedi. Christensen who was completely miscast as Anakin Skywalker and was horrible. Good job reminding us how much the prequels sucked by the way, Lucas. Now he seeks to re-release the trilogy again on DVD, with even more changes (unconfirmed), and in 3D. I’ve invested enough money on this trilogy, and I refuse to buy this fucking series again and again only because Lucas seeks to add another wing on his mansion. Is it because he can’t make any more good movies and now wants to make money from the only source he can? Is he artistically stifled? Or is he like Michael Jackson and can not rest until he seeks perfection that will never come? I could care less.
Stop altering this amazing trilogy just for the sake of making money. You’re overrated, Star Wars was lightning in a bottle, so get over it already. The prequels sucked so just give us the original trilogy without the alterations, and if you can’t bear to do so, make available two parts, the original trilogy, or the altered trilogy. Hey, it will make you money in the long run offering two versions. When the hell is he ever going to realize that it wasn’t non-stop special effects that made Star Wars so amazing. It was the magic, that indefinable magic that Lucas sucked away by bombarding us with artificial scenery and backgrounds. Give us a break, would you? You’re a real loser if you plan on buying all the versions of the Star Wars trilogy, because the boxed set just released is enough, and you know there’s two more on the way with all the parts, and with the 3D enhancements. Lucas is a blood sucking leech upon the dignity of this series and he only shows that his image as an innovator is nothing but overrated. He only adds to the image that Hollywood is now all about money and no longer about ideas. Because Lucas will never learn it was the idea that made him a success.
Who is Uwe Boll, you ask? Well, if you were one of the few unfortunate enough to watch “House of the Dead”, you know him all too well, and as horror fans are now calling him “Eew Bowel”, this pompous, delusional, arrogant prick of a movie director has bought his career and continues stinking up cineplexes with his pieces of trash like “House of the Dead” and the most recent heaping pile of filth “Alone in the Dark”. I get really annoyed when people compare him to Ed Wood, because Ed Wood, while a terrible director, had so much love for the cinema and tried really hard in making good films, while Boll has consistently proven how much of an pretentious prick he is simply for using his own money to buy big name stars and churn out repeatedly horrible films like “House of the Dead” and “Alone in the Dark” and yet he still has four or five movies in development! What the hell?! This man takes every bit of his directing style from other directors, other better directors and claims it as his own.
This man represents everything about Hollywood I despise, people who buy their careers with no talent and yet he lives in his own little world pretending he is this generations Spielberg or Tarantino. Can you believe he has a fan site? Well, I’m not surprised by that simply because even Stephen Baldwin has them, but Boll has shown he is a horrible director and he is still making movies. This man funds his own movies because he’s wealthy and then when people respond poorly to his movies claiming they are awful, he plays the fool insulting people (particularly Americans) because of it calling them freaks, and them calls them stupid and slow. His ideology to filmmaking is that there has to be a lot of action and special effects and no story or character emphasis because audiences are too dumb to follow plot or characters. This man is an insult to the art of filmmaking. There are thousands and thousands of young talented brilliant filmmakers trying to get funding at Sundance, and Cannes, and Toronto, and Boll is buying his way into a movie career. It’s an unfair advantage. People still don’t get that Wood’s movies had an innocence to them.
They were awful, but you couldn’t help liking them. Wood was humble and he tried really hard to make good movies. Boll however just rants on and on like he’s a visionary of modern cinema and his films have stories like David Lynch or something. He’s the type of German that thinks all Americans are too dumb to get his movies, the problem is we’re not dumb enough to figure out he’s a really shitty director, and that his fans (stop laughing–he even has a fan site–will you stop laughing?!) are too dumb to realize he’s a really shitty director, and a merciless hack. Perhaps someone will help him realize someday that he’s just talent-less. We can only hope.
Paul W.S. Anderson
Don’t confuse this man to the almost identical monikered Paul Thomas Anderson (At least not in my presence); of course to movie buffs it’s not hard to differentiate both movie makers, one whom relies on dialogue and surreal situations that also manage to profile the realism of life and situations, while the other relies solely on flash and action to get his point across. Paul W.S. Anderson is a man completely devoid of talent and is one in many of a list of Hollywood directors who think flash, action, and mindless violence is what movies are supposed to be.
Some will argue that his ruining of the Resident Evil franchise wasn’t his fault, but he added his own “vision” in a franchise that just did not need to change. Though some of his movies were watchable including “Mortal Kombat”, he’s only now beginning to piss all over the heads of movie fans with his “visions” and complete re-doings of popular franchises to make himself a buck. He ruined “Resident Evil” which was a brainless, derivative, cliche jumbled mess which took its style from better directors, most particularly James Cameron whose influence is clearly evident in Resident Evil both in its characters and basic plot. Anderson took everything from Cameron character archtypes (Michelle Rodriguez’ poor imitation of Vasquez from “Aliens”) right down the whole plot “Resident Evil”, and he followed that up with an even worse movie “Resident Evil: Apocalypse” which was an awful movie full of lapses in logic, a plot suitable only for people with ADD, plot holes and continuity errors galore, and an ending that made utterly no sense.
He further followed that up with “Alien vs. Predator” a movie he claimed for years would be based on the concept of the original franchise and then renamed it “ALIEN vs. Predator” claiming he didn’t want people to confuse it with the original franchise since oddly the whole point of the movie was taking off from the franchise. “AVP” as it’s called was a let down despite being one of Anderson’s more watchable movies, everything about it was terrible from the non-existent, almost senseless plot, the contrived concept, scenery, one-dimensional characters and a lead heroine too derivative of Ellen Ripley, action that was too short, a lot of gaping plot holes, and a climax that was both really hokey, really predictable, and really contrived altogether meshing into a really disappointing installment, not to mention Anderson never made good on his promise and made “AVP” a PG-13 affair increasing it’s bland aspects with zero gore despite the fact both monster’s movies centered around gore, and that’s what increased it’s appeal.
Furthermore, FOX gave the fans nothing and supplied them with a terrible DVD, and after a lot of promising that there would be an uncut version on DVD, Anderson has yet to give it to us, though popular opinion among fans insists there is no uncut version since most of the footage was left on the cutting room floor. Anderson’s style is horrible and his filmmaking skill are slim to hardly visible with no hope for improvement. His further purchasing of popular franchises show his reign of carnage isn’t over and he’ll continue putting popular franchises under his steam roller and both dumb it down and water it down for more years to come.
Ah, yes, yet another music video maker thinking he can be a movie director. But what McG doesn’t realize is, while it takes skill to make a music video, it takes a whole other skill to make a movie, and he doesn’t really seem to get that. This is a movie maker that has a lot of style but zero substance, and style does not make a film; because when you have a lot of eye candy and explosions, inevitably it’s not filling to the mind, and the movie just ends up being just a waste of time in the end, case in point, Charlie’s Angels. Sure no one expected Charlie’s Angels to be a straight-laced, serious, Mamet-esque action film with deep characters and symbolism, but what it ended up being, an utterly brainless, mind- numbing piece of crap, was truly representative of what McG had to offer to film.
To describe the “Charlie’s Angels” films as ridiculous is merely an understatement and achieved nothing short of being popcorn entertainment, and it didn’t even accomplish that. Charlie’s Angels, two of the most overblown, overrated, mind-numbing, brainless movies I’ve ever seen polluted movie theaters for a long time and produced nothing enrichening or entertaining to audiences, and as stated above, it showed what McG had to offer, nothing. A lot of style, bright flashy explosions, and gun shooting, and no story. Purposely marketed to teenagers with a lot of sexual content and inappropriate material, “Charlie’s Angels” presented nothing but terrible acting courtesy of Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz, and Drew Barrymore, a non-existent plot, and basically nothing more than T and A that even Maxim Magazine would look down on. Both films were awful beyond every stretch of the word, yet McG intends on continuing to call himself a filmmaker. I pity you.
Fuck you Michael Bay. This is going to sound like that monologue from “The 25th Hour”, but fuck you Michael Bay, fuck your gross incompetence as a director, fuck your creatively impotent ass who insists on continuing to remake classic films such as “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, and fuck you for picking off the rolling corpse of Alfred Hitchcock with your planned remakes. You’re not creative for remaking his masterpieces, you’re a hack, and anyone and everyone whose ever remade a movie in the past ten years, you’re hacks. Fuck you for your plans on remaking “Strangers on a Train”, and “The Birds” and for plans on remaking “The Hitcher” and “The Amityville Horror”, fuck you for trying to make excuses for your gross unoriginality, and a specially humongous fuck you to the audience who plans on watching it.
The remakes have to stop, and you crappy ass, glorified, overrated, money hungry ghoul who intend on making money off truly creative people should be working the unemployment line. You’re a hack Bay, it was evident with shit like Bad Boys, Armageddon, and Bad Boys 2, and it’s clear as crystal now with your repeated remakes of classic films that you intend on ruining under your shitty direction. Stop spitting on artists’ graves and own up that you’re remaking movies because you’re creatively impotent, void of any creativity, originality, or innovation. Your movies suck, you lack the utter capability of making an original film, and please, go away.