“Whoa! You’re beach babes from beyond.”
“You bet your ass, man.”
I’m a big fan of David DeCoteau’s early work with Charles Band and Full Moon, but with “Beach Babes from Beyond,” I might have finally found something of his I really dislike. It’s a nineties softcore skin flick (from Band’s softcore label Torchlight Entertainment) that feels like an eighties science fiction comedy. And when I say that it’s softcore, I mean soft. The sex scenes don’t really look like two people have sex so much as they resemble two naked people trying to climb over one another to get in to bed. Not that it matters, since there are only about three sex scenes and they’re not the highlight of the movie, mysteriously.
It’s no secret what my feelings are about 2003’s “Cabin Fever.” I hate it. I despise it. If I could go back in time, I’d prevent myself from spending money on it in theaters and instead go see the mediocre “Underworld.” It’s one of the most painful movie going experiences I’ve ever endured, and I welcomed a remake. Surely, it’s disgraceful that in this day and age “Cabin Fever” has had two sequels, and a remake, while films like “Behind the Mask” are scrounging for money for a follow-up. But Hollywood is Hollywood, and people love their trash. Thankfully, 2016’s “Cabin Fever” is a superior remake, even if it is still abysmal nonsense.
Colin Farrell is back again as an odd choice for action hero playing “Average Joe” Douglas Quaid. He is a factory worker who helps produce police bots for his world that has been divided in to two separate factions. The remaining world that has survived chemical war fare are living on various levels, all controlled by the government. Douglas’ world remains a stink hole lower class existence until he arrives at Rekall, anxious to install artificial memories in to his brain for the sake of amusement. Upon implanting a fantasy in his mind, Quaid learns he is really a super spy, and now Chancellor Cohaagen who is slowly rising to power, is after him. Along with him and his army of robotic police, there’s Doug’s smoking hot wife Lori, who is revealed to be a skilled assassin who is driven to kill Douglas at all costs.
In an effort to give the other side of the coin, something for those who may prefer their crushes to be male, I have compiled a list of my top 5 Childhood Celebrity Crushes. Having grown up outside of the US and in French, my top was originally an odd mix of French-speaking celebrities and English-speaking ones.
To make this easier for the readers here, I have decided to only give 5 of my English-speaking Celebrity Crushes.
If you’re a pop culture fanatic, you’ve come across one or two fictional characters in your lifetime that you become smitten with and sometimes fall for. It’s entirely possible and happens more frequently than most people realize. I had such a good time compiling my last list of Ten Movie Characters I Want to Marry, that I thought for the upcoming arrival of Valentine’s Day, I’d celebrate by listing Five More Movie Characters I’d Love to Marry.
Who are some movie characters you’d marry if given the opportunity? Let us know in the comments. And Happy Valentine’s, you filthy animal.
Sure “Total Recall” is an ultraviolent and action filled adaptation of the original “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale” from Phillip K. Dick, there’s a rhyme and reason for everything that unfolds in the film, right down to the prostitute with the trio of breasts. The inherent lunacy reflects the mind set of our main hero Douglas Quaid and acts as a platform for the idea that perhaps he’s living a fantasy or is really this vicious secret spy. Paul Verhoeven’s version of the original story packs a real sense of intellect and brilliant ambiguity beneath the seemingly surface science fiction action tale of a man named Quaid, who is struggling to battle the government and fight for a group of underground mutants. When we meet Quaid he’s a man who is comfortable at home living in a well furnished apartment and is married to an insanely sexy woman. He wants more though, especially with developments involving the government exploring Mars, and perhaps using it as a means of travel for local tourists.
I have nothing but love for “Street Fighter,” one of the greatest, if not the greatest fighting video game ever made. My first contact with it was during my elementary school days when I’d pass by the arcade cabinet residing outside of a local auto shop. There was always someone playing it, but I would look over their shoulder and see what the game was. Later on I learned to love the “Street Fighter II” on the Super Nintendo and I’ve had an interest in its universe for many years. “Street Fighter II” set the template for pretty much every fighting game ever consumed by mass audiences, and is still a brilliant fighter based around strategy and quick timing.
Another Valentine’s Day dawns upon us single folk, reminding us that we don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars on dates or obligatory gifts just to appease our significant others as Valentine’s Day demands we express our love to someone or else we’re cold heartless monsters. As we prepare for another holiday involving cheap chocolate and greeting cards with hollow sentiment, I fondly recall five of the biggest Celebrity crushes of my childhood in the 1990’s and how they affected me big time.
Some of the crushes I outgrew, and some I just plain stopped liking altogether. In either case, my unrequited love for these celebrities inspire fond memories of a more innocent time during adolescence.
Who were some of your biggest celebrity crushes? Let Me Know in the Comments!
Director Shant Hamassian’s short horror film is a rather excellent meta-tale that takes the classic horror slasher movie tropes and places them in to a new light. What if you could control the idea of the slasher coming to your door attacking with you a set of rules a la “Scream”? That’s the case for a young beautiful girl who is home alone at night. When we first see her, she’s this insanely sexy girl dancing in her lacy skivvies, but upon fully glancing at her person are a witness to the stitched wound she wears on her throat. The scar and silence says all, as she was clearly the victim of a vicious attack by a killer meant to end her life, but somehow survived.
Director Remington Smith’s “The Woods” is quite an accomplishment, mainly because it’s a film set in the middle of a snowy tundra implementing zero special effects. The centerpiece of “The Woods” is our character’s surroundings and how she has to adapt to the snowy wasteland of the woods. Apparently Smith and cinematographer Joshua Yates used mostly natural lighting for their film, resulting in a masterfully eerie and haunting short film set during a fight for survival. There’s so much conveyed in “The Woods” and yet there isn’t single word of dialogue spoken.