The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 7: Crossed

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If anything, Rick and Carol have shown that grief in the zombie apocalypse is for suckers. Two characters in this episode are suffering grief and commit really stupid mistakes that end up becoming liabilities to everyone around them. While Sasha’s big mistake in the final scene was the definition of gullibility, you have to laugh at Father Gabriel escaping the church only to be stuck by a nail on his foot.

Congratulations, you escaped without Michonne or Carl noticing! Now you’re going to die from tetanus. You can’t scream for help with lock jaw, sucker. Grady has become a bigger threat than I figured they would, and I guess that’s because they’re in a closed in structure.

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The Guest (2014)

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One thing I love about Adam Wingard’s that propelled him as one of my favorite directors working today, is that he loves to twist formulas. He did so with “You’re Next,” and he accomplishes the feat yet again with “The Guest.” His darkly comic horror film begs the question: What if you made friends with a super soldier who was practically Captain America? And what if instead of Steve Rogers, he was a psychopathic maniac with a relentless need to kill? “The Guest” asks that question by transforming Wingard’s villain in to an anti-hero who is at first the perfect guardian angel, but soon an unstoppable killing machine. Adam Wingard brings his A game once again, channeling a late seventies and mid-eighties aesthetic with a mesmerzing synth score that sets the tone for the wildly morbid events.

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Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993) [Blu-ray]

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It’s kind of sad that “Blood Wings” is about as good as the series ever got. Surely the first film is good just as it is, but “Blood Wings” is about the only good sequel the movie series ever received, and I’m surprised the studios never sought to deliver higher quality follow-ups. You could technically count this as the final film in the series, and one that doesn’t completely realize the concept or expand on the mythos of the pumpkinhead monster. “Blood Wings” garners a smaller scale and much less logical tale about a dad wreaking havoc on the killers of his child, and focuses more on a witch, more reckless teens, and really awful performances all around.

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Squirm: Collector’s Edition (1976) [Blu-ray]

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I understand director Jeff Leiberman for his anger about his film being mocked on “Mystery Science Theater.” But I also understand why “Squirm” was such good fodder. Intentionally silly or not, “Squirm” is not a good movie, nor is it a good horror movie. It’s barely competent storytelling. I never could quite comprehend why “Squirm” was such a classic, but oddly enough it’s that movie that always rose to the surface to play on late night cable, or in drive in theaters. Don Scardino is laughably miscast as Mick, the hero of “Squirm” who visits his girlfriend Geri in her small Southern town for a romantic rendezvous. Of course, them hill folk don’t take too kindly to Mick’s straight forward attitude.

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ICYMI: Five Worst Movie Going Experiences

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I haven’t been to the movies since 2011, but I don’t remember a time where going to the movies resulted in an undisturbed experience. The only times I ever spent watching movies in a theater without an asshole destroying my experience were when I took in a matinee during the middle of a work and school week. That said, I spent a good portion of my childhood in movie theaters, and though the novelty eventually wore off, I left with some great and some horrible anecdotes to spare. Years ago I wrote a list of my worst experiences for Crave, and thought I’d re-post the five worst from the original top ten. I still love movies and the movie going experience. It’s magical. I just wish people had some grasp of consideration for others in this age of self-entitlement.

Have any bad movie going experiences of your own? Let us know in the comments!

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The Minions (2014)

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Director Jeremiah Kipp’s “The Minions” is a small scale but utterly eerie bit of fates twisting to suit pure evil. Except director Kipp and writer Joseph Fiorillo allow the audience what is pure evil and what is absolute justice. Willliam is a man walking home one night who decides test his fate by walking through a secluded alleyway that is said to be mostly unseen and inhabited by powerful witches.

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Our 5 Favorite TMNT Knock Offs

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2014 was a big year for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Their Nickelodeon series continued rocking the ratings as one of the best variations of the franchise yet, and yes, Platinum Dunes gave us their own vision of “TMNT.” Whether we like it or not, “TMNT” came and was a big hit at the box office, and December 16th it’s coming to stores for fans to enjoy the April O’Neill movie guest starring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Back in the 90’s every company in the world wanted their own TMNT influenced hit, and there were many contenders for the throne. Here are five of the best TMNT knock offs that we still enjoy to this day.

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How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

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When Dreamworks aren’t touting spastic animated kids’ films with dated pop culture references, they can really deliver audiences films of substance and artistic value. Case in point “How to Train Your Dragon 2” which is a wonderful continuation of the original from 2010, that sets down on a world where humans and dragons are living side by side. The world involving Vikings and an ancient civilization of dragon riders is also filled with villainous individuals guided not by black or white ideas, but more hate, resentment, and feelings of malice. “How to Train Your Dragon 2” doesn’t just widen the scope of this vast world, but brilliantly constructs a tale of family coming together and giving one another strength in the face of a merciless villain.

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Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-hime) (1997)

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I’m very glad to say that “Princess Mononoke” was my first real experience with Hayao Miyazaki’s amazing cinematic contributions. After its Oscar buzz in 1997, I sought out the film, and was shocked at what I’d been missing from the master director. “Princess Mononoke” is probably Miyazaki’s broadest film, but one that also conveys a meaningful alllegory about the sanctity of nature, and how the wars of men can taint the sacred lands. It’s an action packed and incredible morality tale that will win over fantasy buffs instantly.

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